A New Kind of Love
by merderjunkie
Summary: Meredith Dandridge is admitted to Seattle Grace Mercy West late one night with a severe head injury - but from what? Or rather, whom? And which world-reknowned neurosurgeon will fall in love with her at first sight? Only time will tell... Merder AU. Contains domestic/spousal abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! This is my first multi-chapter fiction, so please be kind. I don't have any chapters banked at the moment, so updates may start a little slow, but I hope to speed it up soon. WARNING: Contains domestic/spousal violence. Don't like, don't read. Hope you enjoy!**

The sound of a pager cut through the haze of Derek's deep slumber like a hot knife through softened butter. He groaned as he came awake and rolled instinctively out of bed in order to cross to the dresser, picking up both pagers that rested there and coming to the conclusion that his was the one currently emitting a highly irritating, high-pitched noise, indicating a head injury in his near future.

Soft rustling from the bed alerted him to the newly conscious status of his wife, whose bleary voice just barely reached him from across the room. "Whose is it?" Addison asked, fighting to sit up in bed and reach for her contact lenses.

"It's mine, go back to sleep," Derek answered as he shrugged out of his red silk pajama top and into a blue cotton button-down. Addison knew he hated silk pajamas and would much rather sleep in boxers and a t-shirt, but she never seemed to acknowledge that fact.

"Oh," she breathed, and he could hear the relief evident in her voice that it wasn't a call for her new favorite patient; a critical young single mother named Lexie. "Have fun," she added as an afterthought, and Derek fought the urge to snort at her indifference. Addison's attitude towards these late-night pages had always bothered him. She treated them like some kind of game, when in reality, a page at this hour was never someone falling off the stepladder trying to reach a box of baking soda in the pantry or a mistake with the kitchen knife. They were seizures, car crashes, gunshot wounds... things that couldn't be put off until the morning. They weren't a game, but that seemed to be exactly what Addison thought they were. At least until it was her pager going off in the middle of the night, and then she wasn't shy about looking for comfort from him - because _she_ saved _babies_. He sighed internally at this soliloquy, realizing that her habit for making light of late-night pages would be a non-issue if not for their other problems. If she'd never slept with Mark, he would be more than willing to overlook this particular fault. Their therapist would say that he was "looking to find fault with her," and maybe she was right. So Derek cut himself off there, ending this particular discussion with himself.

But seriously. _Have fun_?

"What do we got?" he asked, all business as he swung into trauma room one. He still wore his street clothes, and had bothered only to pull his white lab coat over them. Scrubs would come when there was time, and not a moment before.

"Meredith Dandridge, thirty. We've got a serious gash there on her forehead and several subdural hematomas. She's coded three times since she got here, once in the trauma room and twice in CT." The resident handed him a set of scans, which he looked at briefly and observed the accuracy of what he'd just been told.

The woman was frail and delicate, not weighing more than a hundred and ten pounds sopping wet. Her hair was matted with blood, but he could tell it was a beautiful shade of honey brown, streaked through in some places with blonde and in others with a more chestnut shade. Her skin was white as paper, she'd obviously been out a while. Though her eyes were closed, Derek could tell that they sparkled with life, maybe blue or green, and that she was a kind, warm woman. He looked surreptitiously around the room for the family that usually huddled around the gurney, wondering when (if) their loved one would wake up, but saw no one.

"All right, we don't have time to mess around," he concluded. "Let's get her into the OR, my guess is that there's some pretty significant damage already. Where's her family?"

"Her husband apparently went to park the car," the resident answered. "That was before we brought her for the CT. He should have been back by now, we have to look at the possibility that he ditched." Derek chest tightened at the thought; this woman didn't deserve that.

"Well, you'll be in the waiting room watching for him," Derek insisted, and the eager-puppy look on the doctor's face that had aroused from the prospect of scrubbing in disappeared. "When he gets here, and I do mean when, you will collect his statement and report back to me." They were wheeling the gurney out of the trauma room now, and Derek had hopped on the back to do his preliminary exam on the fly. He flicked her eyelid open and noted that her gaze was darting wildly. He'd been right, however: they were green.

Just as they approached the elevator, a frazzled-looking man ran up to the party. He held the largest coffee mug Derek had ever seen in his life, and the trained neurosurgeon in him told him that the signs pointed to drunk off his ass. Though he hoped beyond hope that the man wasn't there for Meredith Grey, he was, of course, disappointed.

"Meredith!" he blurted. "Meredith, please, babe, wake up. Mer, honey. I love you, please wake up. Please, I didn't mean it."

"I'm sorry, are you her husband?" Derek asked as the elevator doors opened and they all loaded on, Drunk Guy included.

"Finn Dandridge," he confirmed, nodding somewhat sloppily and holding out a hand which Derek politely declined. "I'm her husband, what's wrong with her? Why won't she wake up?" Derek couldn't help but notice the slurred pattern to his speech.

"She's suffered a huge hit to the head," he explained. The elevator stopped on the OR floor and they all rolled out, Finn still trailing behind them. "Sir, you need to go to the waiting room with Dr. Rosse here, she's gonna get a police officer to take your statement."

"No!" the man roared, and Derek was now more sure than ever that he was inebriated. He swayed where he stood, still arguing the point. "That is my wife, and I have to make sure you don't mess her up."

"Mr. Dandridge," Derek started, but the man cut him off once more.

"_Doctor_," he stressed. "I'm a fancy doctor too, I'm a vet."

"Okay, Dr. Dandridge. You need to go, your wife is in critical condition and needs surgery, which we cannot proceed with until you get out of our way. You don't want me to mess her up, and I won't, but I need you to leave first."

"Sir, please come with me," Dr. Rosse asked pleasantly, reaching tentatively for Finn's upper arm, but he jerked away angrily.

"Meredith, I just want you know I'm right here," he said in a voice that was obviously meant to be a whisper, but came out as more of a shout. "I'm right here, and I'm so sorry."

Derek breathed a sigh of relief as he started to step back, but before things could get too routine, another bombshell hit.

"Dr. Shepherd!" The lab tech was sprinting down the OR hallway. "Dr. Shepherd, wait!"

"What is it, Isaac?" Derek asked as he reluctantly whirled, simultaneously starting to drape Meredith for the operation. "I don't have time to screw around here."

"That's Meredith Dandridge?" Derek nodded. "You need to page Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd and the on-call neonatal surgeon while we wait. We took her blood to check for an allergy to the anaesthesia, and her HCG levels are through the roof. She's pregnant."


	2. Chapter 2

"She... wait, what?" Finn asked in a suddenly small voice, and Derek groaned internally. He was never going to get rid of him now, and this woman was circling the drain as they spoke.

"She's pregnant," he repeated as he yanked his pager from the waistband of his pants and punched in the necessary numbers to summon both Addison and Dr. Richardson. "And if you ever want to meet your baby, I suggest you move it." True, he was being a little harsh, but this guy was really starting to threaten his wife's condition.

"I... baby," Finn murmured, still in a dazed, small tone of voice. "I... I'm gonna be a father."

"Not if you don't _move_!" Derek snapped.

"Sir..." Dr. Rosse began, again reaching for the man's bicep, but he became belligerent again and practically whacked the resident across the abdomen.

"Don't touch me!" he screamed, then reached timidly for his wife's stomach. "Hi, baby... I'm your dad. And I love you so much... please don't hate me, I didn't mean it!" He began to cry, and Derek rolled his eyes, wondering if he would possibly be this annoying if he wasn't completely hammered. Looking the man in the eye, however, he saw the deep pools of guilt festering beneath the honey-colored irises.

"Dr. Dandridge, if you ever want to meet your baby, I suggest you move," Derek repeated. "Your wife is in critical condition, and if we don't get her to the OR soon, both she and the baby will die." But Finn wasn't listening anymore as he buried his head in his hands and began to sob uncontrollably, continuously apologizing and asking the baby not to hate him.

Before Derek could make another suggestion, the monitors attached to Meredith started to go wild, and the thin green line on the screen went completely flat. Finn's head snapped up, and the tears immediately began to fall thicker and faster.

"No, my wife!" he screamed. "You broke her! Fix her; fix my wife!"

"Charge to 300," Derek ordered, grabbing the paddles and pressing them to the right spots on Meredith's chest. "Clear!" All hands disappeared from her body and he felt the jolt of electricity run through the paddles and into the woman's body. Nothing. "Charge again. Clear!" Nothing. "Charge to 400. Clear!" Finally, life-giving shocks ran through her body and her monitor resumed a steady rhythm. Derek breathed a sigh of relief, though recent events had him wondering what kind of life Meredith Dandridge was going back to, and he turned with finality to Finn Dandridge.

"Dr. Rosse, escort Dr. Dandridge to the waiting room. I'm sure the police are here by now. Take his statement, then join me in the OR." Without another word to who was arguably the most difficult patient family member he'd ever had the misfortune of meeting, he wheeled the gurney swiftly past the red tape and down the OR hallway, away from the tortured screams of the man he left behind.

"Dr. Dandridge," Derek greeted stiffly as he approached the man practically passed out on the hospital sofa. He was nursing what Dr. Rosse had reported as his eighth cup of decaf, and seemed somewhat less inebriated. He looked like hell, though. His hair was wild, his face ruddy, eyes bloodshot and swollen. Derek had to wonder to himself how a woman like Meredith ended up with a guy like this. Maybe he was different when he wasn't drunk? When they met? The dangers of being a doctor, he mused. You'll always wonder how your patients end up trapped in this kind of life.

"How's Meredith?" he rasped, obviously extremely hung over despite the abundance of coffee running through his veins. "And... the baby?"

"Both mom and baby are doing fine," Addison interrupted as she approached from behind Derek. "They gave us quite a scare, but we did our very best work." _Yeah, once you finally deemed this important enough to show up, dressed to the nines in thirty-thousand dollars worth of designer clothing, showered and your hair all blown out. But whatever, _Derek thought to himself, but settled for,

"The next few hours are crucial. She's in recovery now, and I can take you to her when you're ready. You need to prepare yourself for the possibility that she may wake up in hours... days, worst-case, and when she does, her memory may not be completely intact."

"She'll be fine," Finn assured himself.

"Did the police take your statement?" Derek inquired, and a heavy look not unlike guilt came over Finn's face.

"Yeah, they did."

"I can take you to her now, then," Derek allowed. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, why don't you go get some rest? I'm sure you need it."

"Of course, dear," Addison smiled, kissing his cheek sweetly and slinking down the hall, her Louboutin's clicking loudly on the linoleum as she went. Derek sighed - she never seemed to grasp the concept of professionalism, especially in front of patients. And just when he thought she would allow him the space to think that he desperately craved, she was all touchy-feely and affectionate again. Their therapist called it over-compensation, her way of repaying him for her "indiscretions", but she didn't seem to realize that he needed her to back off. Ever.

"She must be your wife," Finn groaned as he hoisted himself off the couch. "You know how I feel then." _Not even close, _Derek's mind screamed, but externally he made only a sympathetic grunt. "Sorry about earlier, by the way."

"Oh, you remember that?" Derek answered bitterly, not thinking. Finn's face became guarded once again.

"Listen, I said I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I know. I didn't mean to say that, I'm just... tired, is all." Finn grunted back at him as Derek lead him slowly but surely to recovery.

Ten hours had passed since Meredith Dandridge had come out of surgery, and Finn had long gone to get more coffee. It was a habit of his, Derek assumed, considering that every time he left to get something, or see something, or check something, or park something, he was gone for at least an hour. Thus, he was sitting with Meredith, hand poised on his pager for the second she woke up. He couldn't explain it, but part of him just had to make sure that Meredith got the best care possible. There was something special about this one.

Addison entered the room, though he heard her before he saw her. Those damn shoes again... He threw a glance to the pile of clothes Meredith had come in with and saw a worn pair of Converse sitting on top, eliciting a smile of sorts.

"She's doing well," Addison remarked, jerking Derek out of his reverie. "She should wake up anytime."

"I hope so," Derek sighed, glancing at the clock. "The longer she's out, the greater a chance of amnesia."

"I can take over for you," Addison offered. "You've been up longer than me, you could probably use the rest, too."

Derek shook his head in a non-committal fashion. "I want to be here when she wakes up so that I can examine the damage. I haven't seen a trauma like that in some time. She'd have to be an extremely lucky woman to wake up with no damage. It's even a minor miracle the baby's alive." Addison nodded, murmuring her agreement. "Did you find out what the husband told the police?"

"That she fell down the stairs going to get a glass of water."

"Where'd the head lac come from, then?" Derek asked as he examined the plastic surgeon's expert work on the woman's temple.

"He didn't say, just that she fell."

He frowned. "That doesn't line up with the bleeds..."

Addison shrugged. "There may very well be more to the story. Or maybe she hit her head on the railing, maybe she bounced... she's tiny enough." Derek winced. Again with the jokes. "The husband wasn't there, remember. He was asleep. The only one who can tell us for sure what happened last night is her."

Fifteen hours. Finn had gone to "get lunch", but he'd been gone for three hours. Derek sighed and glanced at the clock, mentally tallying the odds of no amnesia. Almost zero, now... But as he thought this, he heard a small rustling from the bed and a practically non-existent cough. His head jerked from the clock to the tiny form on the bed, now struggling to move and to breathe around the obstruction of the intubation.

Working swiftly now, he removed the intubator from her throat and watched as her eyes opened slowly and he took in the familiar green. They were bleary with sleep, but he could see the gentleness and kindness of her soul behind the glassy surface, mixed with... wariness. Caution. Fear.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Shepherd," he said slowly. "You've had quite the accident. Can you hear me?" She nodded slowly, and Derek breathed the first of many sighs of relief. She still had the mental power to understand the Queen's English. "Great, that's great. Can you talk?"

"I... think so..." she coughed, her voice raspy with atrophy. "Well, I guess... that... answers that... question." Derek smiled, she'd obviously retained a sense of humor.

"Do you know your name?"

"Meredith... Dandridge." She coughed again, and speech became easier. "I live in Seattle, with my... husband... and I guess I'm in a hospital... I... hit my head."

"Good, good," Derek grinned. The odds had been in her favor, after all. "I'm just gonna do an exam, all right?" He reached his fingers past her temples and began to slowly move them forward. "Can you tell me when my fingers come into your range of vision?" She passed each test with flying colors, and Derek fell into an increasingly good mood. "I'm just gonna check on your head lac, now. The plastic surgeon did a great job, and I promise I won't touch in case you have any pain, but I just want to check up while I'm in the neighborhood." She smiled lightly at his joke and nodded in agreement. When he reached for the side of her head, however, she blinked, hard, and cringed away from him. "I promise, I won't touch," he reminded her, smiling.

"Right, sorry," she nodded. "I just... forgot." He reached in again, and felt her tense in front of his fingers.

"Do you need any pain meds?" he asked. "If it's that bad, we've got freezing, or morphine, if it's internal. Here, let me..." He cursed himself mentally for not thinking of her pain level, it was usually a nurse's job, as he reached for the morphine drip to order another hit. She shook her head violently though, wincing slightly at the movement.

"I'm good," she promised, and held herself very still – too still. Derek reluctantly reached in to touch the surrounding skin, waiting for a reaction, and getting slight cringes each time he came close. Before he could finish his exam, however, the door opened slowly and now-familiar footsteps stepped in.

"Sorry I've been gone so long, doc, I... Mer!" Finn's train of thought was cut of by surprise when he noticed his wife was awake. "Oh, thank God, I was so afraid you wouldn't wake up. God, I... I don't even know what to say. I missed you." Derek didn't miss the fact that he mouthed, "I'm so sorry" when he thought Derek wasn't looking, nor did he miss the look of terror that fleetingly took over Meredith's face for a split second before she covered it with a broad, painfully fake smile.

"I wish I could say I missed you, too..." she said quietly, then, realizing the strange looks she was getting from the two men in the room, covered it up. "I mean, I didn't realize I was out for... how long?" She looked to Finn, who in turn looked to Derek.

"Oh, ahm... fifteen hours," he answered, still caught off-guard by the weird dynamic in the room.

"Why wasn't I called?" Finn asked, now realizing the enormity of the fact that he'd missed her waking up. "How long has she been awake?" His warning glance at his wife read, "What have you told him?"

"Only a few minutes," Derek answered. "I was just doing my routine exam. I'm gonna have to stick around a little longer, though. See if anything changes drastically, these are a very important few hours. And the police are going to want to talk to you, too, Mrs. Dandridge." Professionalism returned to him as he remembered it was fine to call her Meredith in his head, but not outside.

"Oh, please, call me Meredith."

"Alright, Meredith." Never mind that, then. He couldn't stop the goofy grin coming over his face, but the moment was interrupted again by Finn.

"Is it really necessary for my wife to be subjected to questioning so soon after the operation?"

"Yes," Derek said stiffly, more suspicious than ever. "And they will most likely ask you to step out, Dr. Dandridge."

"Now that is ridiculous! My wife just woke up, I've been so worried, and they're going to ask me to leave her side? And my baby, my _baby _is in there, and -"

"Wait, what?" Meredith asked, shocked. "Baby? Am I..." She stared down at her abdomen in shock, a hand tracing the place where it would swell in the coming nine months.

"I hadn't quite gotten to that yet," Derek muttered.

"Oh," Finn said shortly. "Oops. Yeah, babe, we're having a baby."

Derek studied her face. The expected emotions were there: happiness, of course, and surprise. But there was something else, a whole other layer of emotions just sitting there. Guilt. Fear. Worry.

"I... wow, I don't know what to say," she said in a fake, bright voice. "A baby. A family. All... all three of us, a family. Wow." Finn approached the bed, a grin lighting up his face, and Derek saw her face go deathly pale and her hand instinctively cover her stomach. Protecting it.

It all added up now. The extensive damage he'd found during surgery, the backlist of medical records that had stuffed her chart to absolute capacity, the timidness and the difficulty with people touching her, the unsureness about the pregnancy. How she didn't ask for Finn the second she woke up, how Finn hadn't wanted her talking to the police alone. The atmosphere of mistrust. The way Finn's story didn't line up with her injuries. The pure, unadulterated fear, the way her hand was cradling the non-existent pucker in her hospital gown, keeping it from Finn. And the way she cringed when he reached for her stomach, aching to touch the place where he would feel his baby grow, trying to cover where she knew the baby's head rested.

This was a battered woman.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** **I know these have been coming pretty fast for now, but I'm gonna warn you right now to not expect it for long. Once we get past the holiday seaosn, it's going to be midterms for me, and I'm writing as I go, so a little writer's block might just kill me. So don't be disappointed when the updates slow down a little. Or maybe I'll get lucky and they won't, who knows? Anyway, enjoy the chapter! OH and thank you to everyone who subscribes/favorites and ESPECIALLY those who leave a review, you light up my life!**

"Hello, Mrs. Dandridge. I'm Officer Williams and this is my subordinate, Officer Evans." Meredith nodded slowly in half-hearted greeting as she looked timidly at the men in blue standing before her. "We're just gonna take a statement from you about the accident, if you don't mind."

"No, not at all." Derek could tell she was frightened, though, as she looked to Finn with a wary, "What do I say?" kind of expression. He nudged Officer Evans lightly, directing his attention silently to the exchange going on across the room. This what he'd warned them about.

"Dr. Dandridge, we're going to have to ask you to step out," Evans added, apparently agreeing with Derek's judgment that something very fishy was going on here. "It's nothing personal, we just want to make sure we're getting the full story."

"You think I would duress my wife?" Finn asked, turning instantly into the belligerent drunkard Derek had met in the OR hallway the previous night. "I didn't do anything, why are you treating me like a criminal?"

"We're not," Officer Williams assured him. "It's perfectly routine. Now, if you would..." He gestured gallantly to the door, which Finn exited through with a frown the size of Montana on his face. "Now, Mrs. Dandridge," he resumed once Finn was out of earshot. "Can you tell me what happened last night? Inform me about the events leading up to your accident?"

"What did Finn say?" Meredith asked, looking suspicious. "Why did you send him out?"

"It doesn't matter what Dr. Dandridge said, Mrs. Dandridge," Officer Evans promised. "We just need you to tell us what you experienced."

"Well..." she started, hesitant, but Officer Williams cut her off once again.

"It's not a difficult question, Mrs. Dandridge."

Derek lost it. "Can we not play "good cop, bad cop," with my patient, please?" he seethed. He really didn't like the frightened, deer-in-headlights look that painted Meredith's face. Addison, who was standing in the corner of the room with her arms crossed over her chest, turned her head to him sharply. She knew as well as anyone else that he never got this emotionally invested.

"Just tell us what you remember, Mrs. Dandridge," Officer Evans prompted gently, smiling reassuringly at her. Before she could say anything, her phone buzzed from the nightstand and she picked it up.

"Sorry, hold on," she said quickly, and fired a text back with rapidfire fingers.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't answer your phone while we're trying to get to the bottom of this, Mrs. Dandridge," Williams said sternly, and she flushed deep red.

"Oh, sorry. Um, yeah, I was up getting a glass of water, and I fell down the stairs. I can be such a clutz sometimes."

"Meredith, your brain was bleeding in three different places," Derek pressed.

"We... have a spiral staircase." Derek and Officer Evans exhanged a fleeting glance at the unlikely story.

"You hit your head... in three places... falling down a spiral staircase." Evans, at least, was suspicious.

"Yes." Her eyes were shifting around the room.

"Very well, then," Williams grunted. "We need nothing further." His words elicited a snort of derision from Derek, and he turned quickly to raise a skeptical eyebrow. "Unless Dr. Shepherd thinks we ought to act otherwise?"

"No, not at all, officers. Have a good day." Williams and Evans filed out of the room, though the latter shot him a sympathetic glance, obviously sorry that he couldn't overstep his boundaries.

"Well, everything looks good, Meredith," Derek said as he finished up his bi-hourly exam. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd should be by any minute to check up on the baby, and if you keep improving so quickly, we'll have to push your neuro exams back to once every three hours."

"Awh, seeing less of me, I'm sure you'd be so disappointed, Dr. Shepherd."

"If I'm calling you Meredith, then you're calling me Derek. And yes, I would be disappointed." He tried to pass it off in a nonchalant manner, but the intensity in his eyes betrayed him.

"Well, I'd be pretty disappointed, too," she admitted quietly, stealing a guilty look at her phone as if Finn was hiding beneath it.

"Maybe we better give it another six hours before we make the leap," Derek suggested. "Can you sit up by yourself?" Timidly, she reached behind herself to remove the support of her multiple pillows, but turned a rather sickly shade of green and clapped a hand over her mouth before slowly lowering herself to her back with a puff of air from her lungs.

"Yeah, no," she confirmed, her laugh breathy with the sudden onslaught of nausea.

"We'll definitely keep it to every other hour, then," Derek smiled, secretly thrilled that he would still get to see her with frequency. She was just such a joy to be around... "I'll see you in two hours." He turned to leave, but was stopped before he could get very far.

"Dr. Shepherd?" He turned, not answering, but eyebrows raised in acknowledgment. It struck him in that moment just how beautiful she was, rosy skin contrasting with the stark white of the sheets and her eyes smiling to match her mouth in a way they never did when Finn was around. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"Saving my life."

"Oh, that. Nothing, really. My pleasure, and all that." Damn, why was he so inarticulate?

"No, I... I meant... you're still saving my life. You're not one of those creepy doctors that sits there and talks medical to me. You make a conscious effort to brighten my day, and... to be my advocate."

"You're advocate."

"I know what you're trying to do," she confronted. "It's not what you think. But I do appreciate the effort, more than you know."

"That's what I don't get," Derek sighed, eager to get more information now that she'd brought it up. "You say it's not what I think, but it's so clearly _exactly_ what I think."

"It's not, okay? It's just not. He's not... he doesn't... it's just not."

"Very affluent. Downright articulate. Really, such a way with words," he teased, but she was not amused. The atmosphere, despite Derek's attempts to lighten it, was still thick with the heaviness of the topic at hand. The tension was positively tangible.

"You want me to say it? I'll say it. Finn doesn't beat me. He doesn't abuse me. I'm clumsy." She wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Of course not," Derek agreed reluctantly. He was obviously lying, too. One of his many faults; the therapist told him so every time he told Addison he'd forgiven her. "I've been out of line. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted."

"Well then. An hour and fify-five minutes it is."

"Don't go counting the seconds, now." And just like that, the air was cleared, and Derek could almost forget that this woman was beaten, battered, fearful for her own life each and every time Finn walked into a room. That was, until he saw the bandages still wrapped around her head and remembered the feeling of shaving off all that long, honey-colored hair.

"Too late, already am." He turned to go for the second time now, but turned. "Do you want me to help you back up?"

"Nah," she declined. "I'm still a little nauseous, and my head hurts like a bitch. I'm just gonna lay here for a while."

Derek's brow furrowed; he didn't want her to be in pain. "Do you want some morphine? There's no reason to put yourself through this."

"That might actually be a good idea, yeah," she admitted, and allowed him to order a few more hits.

"This'll make you feel a little sleepy, but when you wake up you should feel much better..." He backed up from the monitor to find that she was already fast asleep – she must have already been tired. He couldn't blame her; recovering from brain surgery was no easy task.

She looked so peaceful, just lying there. So free. Gone was the worry and the fear that occupied her face during the waking hours, and the gentle rise and fall of her chest soothed the ache in his own heart. Before he could make his third attempt to leave, her phone buzzed again. Derek shook his head internally at his own nosy desire to read the text and remind himself that he had other patients, but it happened again. And again. So, admonishing himself as he did so, he crossed the room and plucked her phone from the bedside table. Four messages showed on the homescreen.

Finn: Tell them you fell down the stairs last night when you got up to get a glass of water. It won't happen again, I promise.

Finn: Going out for dinner.

Finn: Don't you tell that doctor man anything.

Finn: They'll try to take you and our baby away from me.

Derek gawked at the screen. If that wasn't proof that it was exactly what he thought it was, then he didn't know what was. Satisfied now that he knew the truth, but shaken internally at the confirmation of suspicions, he set the phone back down on the night and quietly exited.


	4. Chapter 4

When Meredith woke up again, it was the next morning and Finn wasn't at her bedside any more than he had been the previous evening. She tensed and flexed her neck slightly, wincing with the throbbing that accompanied the motion. _You should be used to it by now, _she admonished herself. Being Mrs. Finn Dandridge definitely had a price, and sometimes she was forced to wonder whether it was worth it. She wondered whether being Mrs. Derek Shepherd had the same kind of drawbacks.

But then there were the days that he was in a good mood, and, though few and far between, she learned to take those days for what they were: a gift.

Of course, the other night had been worse than usual. The other night was a far cry from one of the good days. It was a far cry from one of the bad days. Alcohol didn't exactly do wonders for his disposition, and she'd been caught off guard. He'd been so sunny and normal in the morning...

But could she really fault him? This was how he was. Ever since he got the promotion, she knew he was going to be a different person. More work, more stress, more paperwork, less healing animals - exactly the opposite of what you'd think would happen after being made a partner of a big veterinary practice, but commonly accepted nonetheless. She should have seen this - whatever this was - coming.

But what she hated most was the unpredictability. Not being hospitalized seven times in the past year. Not being yelled at constantly for little things. Not having no life outside their home. The unpredictability. Sometimes he was calm and loving, other times he was angry and destructive. Sometimes he wanted her to be healthy and happy, other times he was only looking out for himself. Sometimes he was a pacifist; a non-violent, an animal-loving, _people_-loving man, and others...

She somehow knew Dr. Shepherd – Derek – wasn't like that. She knew a lot of husbands weren't like that. Husbands were supposed to love you and care for you one hundred percent of the time... she cut the thought off, though. Wives were supposed to stand by their husbands in times of need; and Finn's adjustment period to the new position was one of them. Then again, one had to wonder how much longer than a year it should take a man to get used to a circumstance. And Meredith had been waiting out the storm for _three years._

The door opened, jerking Meredith from the cozy interior of her mind, not unlike the way Finn had jerked her from the couch only two days before. And, fittingly, Finn stepped in, holding a coffee for himself and a water for her.

"Morning, love." Ah, so he was in a good mood today. Meredith breathed an internal sigh of relief; she'd told Derek that Finn wasn't a threat. And on top of her pride being damaged beyond repair should he make a scene, another injury might just kill her. Literally. "Hope you got some rest, you need it to get better."

"I know," she sighed. She was grateful for the good days, but she hated how he always seemed to forget that she _had_ a medical degree. She wasn't stupid.

"What's up? You seem down." She seemed down. Imagine that.

"Yeah, no, just tired of being in a hospital bed." The words had an unintended effect, and his face clouded. Oh, _fuck_. "Finn, I only meant - " she began, terrified that she'd shattered his good mood, but he stopped her.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this, I know. I've been... I _hate_ myself, Meredith. I hate myself so much, but I can't stop. Mer, please forgive me. I'll go and get help, I promise, I just..." His voice trailed off as his eyes fell upon her abdomen. He reached for her, but she had no choice but to cringe away. "Mer..."

"It's fine, Finn. We're okay, you're just stressed. You'll get help, and we'll be us again." She ignored the fact that every time he said he was going to get help, he either tied himself up in work or came home before his therapy session was set to end, clutching a bottle of vodka and stinking of alcohol.

"I really want to be better," he said quietly, now clutching tightly to one of her hands and brushing the skin under which he knew the baby lived with the other. "For you and... and for Little Meredith or Little Finn in there."

"We're _not_ naming our child after either of us," she insisted. This was what... _normal_ couples did, right? They told each other they couldn't name the baby after either of them, because one of the other was already too much, or something cutesy like that? But it didn't matter what _normal_ couples did or what kind of charade she put on - she knew inside that not only was one Finn Dandridge too much for the world, but that she would never name the baby after her husband because she didn't want them to inherit their father's abhorrent anger issues. She felt like she was jinxing it, somehow.

"Sure, but I think we should name all the girls with M's and all the boys with F's." His eyes were glittering with excitement, and she tried desperately to match his enthusiasm. One side of her mind was screaming that it was a stupid idea, the other reminding her that he would beat down her resolve eventually. She chuckled sardonically in her mind at the latter's choice of words and plastered a grin on her face, one that Finn didn't know her well enough anymore to recognize it as her "you are annoying the hell out of me" grin.

"Sounds great."

"You are happy about the baby, right?" he asked, worried. "I mean, we're gonna be a family. And I want you to be happy about it."

"Of course I'm happy. I always wanted to be a mother." False. She'd always hoped she would have time to get used to the idea. That is, after she'd gotten used to the idea of getting married in the first place.

"Well, as long as you're happy, I'm happy," he said, and kissed her cheek. "I'm gonna head out for a late breakfast, I'll be back."

_When?_ she wanted to ask, but she thought better of it. No scenes. Instead, she nodded enthusiastically and watched his frame retreat through the door. As long as she was happy, he was happy. And that's all she had to do, was keep him happy. Keep him happy, and (usually) nobody gets hurt.

Could she do this, though? Could she spend the rest of her life watching over her shoulder for him to snap? Years in the future, would she still be forced to fake happiness in the face of adversity, just in case? Other women had a rock to lean on in exchange for them being the rock sometimes, but this was an entirely different situation. She was the rock _all_ of the time, _always_ looking out for him.

Again, Derek rose to the forefront of her mind. She could never imagine him leaving all of the... rock-ness... to Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. She imagined what it would be like to lay her head on his shoulder and let it out, all the pent-up frustration from God-knows-how-long, all the tears she hadn't dare shed since the discovery that the chance they would appease Finn and not just make the whole thing worse was fifty-fifty. She imagined the feeling of his arms around her, cradling her, comforting her. But she excommunicated the thought from her mind, just like so many others that morning. He was married – hell, _she_ was married.

Finn had never been good at the comforting thing. Even before he turned into... this. Their dog died, someone broke into the house, her grandmother passed away, and he was completely at a loss for what to do. Of course, then, Meredith would find it endearing. He would come home with teddy bears, boxes of chocolates, those tissues coated with lotion that smelled really nice... Now instead of showering her with gifts in an attempt to make her feel better, the pressure just... got to him. He snapped. There was no way Dr. Shepherd was like that.

Her hand fell to her stomach and her eye drifted to the sonogram picture on the nightstand that Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd had printed for her. Baby Dandridge, 6 Weeks. Could she care for two children - her husband and her daughter or son? Would she ever be able to leave the baby alone with Finn? Would she ever trust Finn again - with the baby _or_ with herself?


	5. Chapter 5

"So, yeah, the baby's doing great," Addison said one very long week later. "If Derek says everything's good on the neuro side of the street, we can discharge you today."

"Hmm?" Derek grunted, looking up. "Oh, yeah. Head's good. Brain's good. Lac's good. Incision's good. We're all... good."

"You okay?" Addison asked as both women in the room furrowed their brows in confusion and amusement at his uncharacteristic behavior. "You're acting a little weird."

"Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask?" He seemed more confused than ever now, as if he was acting perfectly normal and the two women in the room were the ones staring at the floor and mumbling incoherently about "good."

"Well, you _are_ acting a little freaky," Meredith pointed out, and the characteristic McDreamy smile came over his face when he heard her voice. Addison's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"I think he's just tired," she said in a saccharine voice. "Didn't get too much sleep last night and all that."

"What are you talking about? I slept fine. I even went to bed early," Derek snapped, irritated, and Meredith stifled a giggle as Addison rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Baby's fine, you can go home." Her heels seemed to click louder going out than they had coming in, as if even her shoes were pissed.

"Somebody really doesn't like me," Meredith commented as she sank back into her pillows. Derek was still gazing at her, a reminiscent look in his baby blue eyes. "Derek?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, she's just cranky. And bitchy. And - oh, shit. Don't tell her I said that. Ever," he pleaded, to a surprised eyebrow raise from Meredith.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"It was never all that paradise-y to begin with. I mean, we had a honeymoon period, just like any other couple. But then it was over, and we're just... I don't know. Things happened. We'll work it out, we always do."

"How long have you been married?"

"Eleven years. We married young. We were young, and..." he trailed off before he could say, "stupid." He felt like that would be admitting to himself that it was a mistake, and he wasn't quite ready for that yet. "I don't know. I don't want it to all go to waste. We're working through it. But you don't want to hear about my marital problems, so I'm just gonna..." he jabbed a thumb awkwardly at the door, still hating how incoherent and awkward he was around her. He could be as suave and charming as he wanted with anyone else, but she was different. She was special.

"Well, it's like Finn and me. We have our spats, but we always work it out."

"Seven spats in the past year?" Derek said bitterly, and instantly regretted it, but didn't take it back. She had to know that he knew the truth.

"Oh, here we go again," she exhaled, frustrated. "How many times do I have to tell you? Finn doesn't hurt me. I'm clumsy. He's just a little flaky. That's the only thing wrong with him as a husband, he's a little flaky. We're fine. And even if we weren't, I don't really think it's much of your business."

"I can't, though!" he exclaimed. "I can't just send you home with him, knowing what I know! It's irresponsible, and I'm a doctor! A damn doctor!"

"But you don't know!" Meredith countered. "You don't know what happens in my marriage. What happens in my house. And yes, you have a responsibility. You were suspicious, and you followed up. I'm not stupid, I know you don't take a statement for every minor house trauma; just the ones where the husband shows up drunk off his ass and his story doesn't exactly match up. But he was asleep, he wasn't there, you can't expect him to know anything. You called the cops, you followed up, and now I am asking you kindly to butt out." There was a tense, tangible silence before he spoke again.

"You need to know that I know." His voice was quieter now. "I don't care if you admit it or not, you need to know that if you ever need someone, I'm right here. I'm just a phone call away. If you're in a tight spot, I know the truth. And I would guess that I'm probably not the only one, but I doubt anybody else is brave enough to say it to your face. So here I am, telling you: I know. And I care." She looked into his eyes, and for a brief moment he thought she might admit the truth. She opened her mouth, intent on saying something, then narrowed her eyes and closed it again. The shake of her head was almost imperceptive before she parted her lips to speak again.

"Thank you for saving my life, Dr. Shepherd." The title stung.

"Not at all, Mrs. Dandridge. I'll have an intern come with your discharge papers shortly."

"Here we are," Finn muttered as he fiddled with the key in the lock of the front door. It finally swung open easily in front of him, and he stepped aside for Meredith to enter the house. "Welcome home."

Everything was exactly as she'd left it. The lights were off, but the sunlight streaming through the windows kept the house well-lit. It _looked_ like the home of a normal couple. Newspapers littering the coffee table, magazines on the end tables, shoes left by the door. A baby name book even rested on Finn's desk, which she could see from the glass door into the den, a gesture that touched her. Maybe things were changing for the better. The house looked lived in, more so than it had been in the past week. But she knew it wasn't so much a subconscious need for coziness as it was the fact that Finn was just messy and didn't know how to pick up after himself - he left that to her. He carried her bags upstairs while Meredith collapsed onto the couch, exhausted from just the short walk to the living room.

She ran her hands lightly over the soft cloth covering the wooden frame of the couch and remembered the events of just seven days previous. She'd been sitting on the couch watching a bad Lifetime movie, waiting up for him. He was late, as usual, but due to his good mood that morning, she'd actually been foolish enough to believe that he might have been telling the truth. That he was actually running late because of work, and not because he had a date with an entire bottle of vodka. He'd banged the door open on arrival, and, still optimistic, she thought he'd lost the patient and was in a bad mood.

"Finn?" she'd called from the couch, concerned. "You okay?"

"Dinner," he slurred. "Where's dinner?" That was when she grew concerned. He was no lightweight, and it took a lot for him to start slurring his words. It was one of the signs that she'd grown so accustomed to, and her heart sank.

"Uhm, I left some for you," she said in a small voice, shrinking back into the couch cushions a little. "It's in the fridge." And had been for hours; it was three am.

"Cold!" he practically howled. "I can't eat cold food!"

"You can put it in the microwave," she suggested, not thinking.

"Why should _I_ have to put it in the microwave! It's supposed to be ready for me when I get home! That's what wives do!" He was lumbering into the living room now, and she resisted the urge to cover herself with a blanket.

"Here, I'll go do it now." She moved to get up, but he stood blocking her.

"Never mind, I'm not hungry."

"Dear, I'm sure you've had a long day, and..."

"Then why wasn't dinner ready for me?!" His hand closed around her arm and he jerked her to her feet, eliciting a yelp more of surprise than pain. "Why?!"

"Meredith?" He was calling her name as he bounded back down the stairs. "Mer? You okay?" Well, that was a loaded question, wasn't it?

"Hey, sorry, I spaced out a little bit." She smiled and patted the cushion next to her. "Come and sit down by me."

"Will do, I just want to run out to the store first." Oh, never mind then. She wouldn't see him until later that night.

"I'll make dinner while you're out," Meredith suggested. "How does pasta sound?"

"Don't be silly," he insisted. "You're healing." Don't be silly, her ass. If there was no dinner, there was no doubt she would land herself back in the hospital.

"Well, it's the least I can do. You were such a great husband while I was in the hospital, and..." That was all it took; she saw him visibly puff up in pride at her words.

"Well, pasta sounds great then. I'll see you soon?" _Read: not for a few hours_, she thought, but forced a smile onto her face anyway.

"Soon." _As long as you're happy, I'm happy._

"Mer'dith!" Oh, dear God. "Mer'dith!" Well, she supposed one could technically consider a bar a store, if you twisted your thoughts a little bit.

"In the dining room, honey." She'd made a point not only to keep the food hot, but to wait so that she would eat with him, too. Everything was perfect. Candles, wine, the works.

"This... this looks good."

"It's meant to. I made the sauce just the way you like it, with chunky tomatoes and extra garlic."

"Good... that's good."

"Mhmm," she agreed, flashing him a dazzling smile.

He sat down to eat, and she watched carefully as he raised his fork. Was it possible that she'd done something right for once? He stuck it in the bowl, twirled it a little, and speared a piece of meatball. So far, so good. "How d'you feel?"

"Good. Great, actually." Well, yeah, after one of the oxycodin tablets Dr. Shepherd had sent her home with to cure the headache.

"Good. Good." He lifted the fork from the bowl and placed it in his mouth. Success?

Denied. His face twisted into a strange contortion and he practically growled across the table. "Why are there meatballs?" he demanded.

"Why not? Meatballs are good," she tried, knowing it was no use.

"But I like sausage!"

"We didn't have any."

"Well then, you should have gone out and gotten some." He stood and rounded the corner, coming up next to her chair and, for the second time in a week, she found herself being jerked up by her upper arm. She was more prepared for it this time, and the cry that escaped her lips was more pained than shocked.

His fist came flying towards the side of her head, and the one last thought flashed across the blank stage of her mind before she blacked out.

_As long as you're happy, I'm happy. Unless I'm drunk, and then all bets are off._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry I missed a day, don't say I didn't warn you! I had some trouble writing this chapter, and to be honest I'm still not completely happy with it. But I've tried it from about a million different angles, and this is what's apt to work. To clarify, MerDer is endgame in this story, it's just going to take some getting there. But that's what makes it fun, the anticipation, so savor it. And I promise there won't be much MerFinn after the next couple chapters; it will take a sharp MerDer turn. So, that in mind, read and review, and I hope you enjoy!**

"What the hell happened?" Derek barked as he and Addison rushed through the doors to trauma one. It struck her that this was the second time in one week entering the same room for the same patient. She was now even more positive than before that Derek was correct; that there was definitely something gruesomely wrong here. That these injuries were Finn's doing. And it enraged her, too. Meredith was a nice woman; she didn't deserve this. But why was Derek so worked up about it?

She knew things weren't the same anymore, and hadn't been for some time. She'd made a stupid decision, yes. But Derek stubbornly refused to move on. Yes, he insisted time and time again that there was nothing else to do. That he was fine, they were fine, he was over her mistakes and he was over Mark. But he continued to pull away; he continued to live day to day and just go through the motions.

That was, until the Dandridges came into their lives. Addison didn't miss how Derek looked at Meredith. No one did. Just like nobody missed how they were on a first name basis, or the way he so obviously cared for her. He'd never switched her over to the care of an intern or a resident. He sat with her when Finn ditched her. He brought her things – food, magazines, new batteries for the TV remote – constantly. And when it came time for her to go home, he'd pulled away harshly, retreating back into his turtle shell of solitude.

Frankly, Addison had been relieved when Derek said everything waas good and she would be discharged. A jealous woman doesn't think about what happens to the forbidden fruit, just that said temptation is away from her husband's straying gaze.

Which was why she felt so guilty as she looked upon Meredith's prone body on the gurney, bleeding profusely from at least four different wounds and countless cuts and scrapes. Her head was home to one of the large gashes, and she was again deeply unconscious, hence Derek's presence. Well, that and the four hematomas displayed on the wall like sick, twisted artwork. Hematomas everyone knew was caused by Finn.

A bump was now just barely visible through the draping – she was painfully petite, making the slightest change in her body visible sooner rather than later. Of course, she was less than two months; the only reason Addiosn noticed at all was because she was looking for it. Her breathed hitched in her chest as she realized the enormity of the situation. It wasn't just Meredith at risk here. There was a child in the mix. A child that it was her job to protect.

And so she kicked her ass in gear, as Derek had so obviously already done. He was currently buzzing around Meredith's head, flashing penlights, writing things down, and screaming orders.

"...And get the fucking husband in here! I want a word with Dr. Finn Dandridge, and sooner rather than later!" he shouted as he checked for a pupillary response. Dr. Nelson, the on-call neuro attending he'd shoved aside when he walked in, was watching, wide-eyed.

"Her scans, Dr. Shepherd?" It was more a question than a statement.

"Gee, I don't know, do you think that might be helpful? I wonder. Why don't we take some time to think about it?" Somehow he managed to simultaneously bitch at the attending, examine her surface wounds, and page the plastic surgeon.

"Dr. Greene," Addison nodded. "Anything?"

The second-year neonatal resident shook her head gravely. "I can't find it."

Addison swiped the machine from her hands and rolled it over Meredith's barely-there stomach, searching desperately. The rest of the room was quiet now, silent even. She would obviously need surgery; her three bleeds had been reopened and another found. Dr. Torres was paged, too, to assess the damage that was done to her legs, one of which was at an angle that was definitely not natural, and her shoulder, which appeared to be dislocated. Now everyone was waiting to find out whether she would need a D&C, too. And the silence was deafening.

Suddenly, a strong, fast, whooshing sound filled the room, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. The neonatal resident furrowed her brow, confused.

"What'd I do wrong?" she asked, trying to gauge from the look on Addison's face whether it was human error or a mechanical difficulty.

"You had the reader on the kid's ass," Derek hissed. "Even _I_ knew that." And on that pleasant note, they were off the to OR.

* * *

"Well?" Finn asked, suddenly playing the worried husband. Addison could practically hear the bones in Derek's hands pop as he clenched his fists. She waited for him to say something, but he seemed too angry even to speak.

"Well, all of her bones will heal," Callie said. "She had a broken fibula and a dislocated shoulder, not to mention a couple fractured ribs. The shoulder and the ribs should be okay, and though the fibula will be excruciatingly painful, she should make a full recovery."

"And the baby distressed a few times due to the duration of the surgery, but he or she should be just fine, barring any complications. We'll have to keep her here a little longer than last time just to keep an eye on the baby, but I'm hopeful." Both women turned to look at Derek, who was still visibly seething. "Derek?" Addison prompted.

"Dr. Torres already said we got the damn bleeders. What more do you want?" he forced out before shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his lab coat and looking away. As someone who had known him for close to two decades, Addison could tell he was about to either scream or cry. Before he could get the chance to do either, however, a nurse came sprinting from Meredith's room.

"Dr. Shepherd, one of her bleeds seems to have reopened. She's coding."

* * *

"Do you think she'll make it through another surgery?" Addison asked as she rubbed her hands together beneath the steady steam of cool water. She glanced to her husband, whose nails were methodically removing his skin in attempt to remove all traces of germs from his epidermis. As if he was personally angry at the germs; as if they'd ruined his life. It made her shudder to think what he'd do to Finn given half the chance.

"She will," he said in an eerily determined voice. "I'll make sure of it."

"Derek, you need to realize that she may not be strong enough. Three surgeries in a week is..."

"I know what it is!" he snapped, finally exploding. "Why can't you give me some _space_ for once? This is just... it's a lot. I could handle it, I could handle knowing what I know, if he hadn't just turned around and done it again. And now..." his voice trailed off, and he looked to be on the verge of tears.

"You care for her," Addison breathed. She didn't dare say it louder than a whisper. She was afraid to admit out loud to herself, despite the fact that she'd been thinking it since he'd stopped calling her Mrs. Dandridge.

"I'm a doctor, that's my job." He finally ceased fire on his skin and binned the paper towel which had been the victim of an aggravated surgeon drying his hands.

"Derek Christopher, you know what I mean, and don't you dare deny it." He simply stared at her, his expression unreadable. Calling her bluff. "You love her," she continued. It wasn't a question. A pregnant pause came between them.

He opened his mouth to speak at the same time the scrub room door swooshed open. "They're ready for you, Doctors."

"We'll discuss this later," he decided for them before storming into the OR.

* * *

"Again, barring complications, she'll be perfectly fine," Derek said through gritted teeth.

"You said that last time, and there were complications," Finn protested.

"I said barring complications. I didn't say there wouldn't _be_ complications. Your wife," his lips curled in distate around the word. "Is a very injured woman. She's broken, and we're trying our damnedest to fix her. That's all we can do." He looked pointedly at Finn, and the phrase, "If looks could kill," flashed through Addison's mind.

"The baby did great, though," she said quickly after a long, awkward pause. "A real trooper, that one. Not a single abnormality." She could barely look Finn in the eye, either, but he seemed to grasp onto the only person in the room that was neither unconscious nor shooting poisoned hand-grenades at him with their eyes.

"Good, that's good. The baby's fine."

"The baby is fine for now," Addison reiterated. "In the event that Mrs. Dandridge only has the resources to keep herself alive, her body will naturally..."

"Get rid of the excess," Derek finished harshly.

"Evacuate the fetus, would be my term. But yes."

"So there's a chance that she might live and the baby won't?" he asked.

"Unfortunately for you, you can't really have one without the other," Derek said harshly, and Addison whacked him, hard, across the bicep.

"Derek!"

"What?!"

"No, that's fine," Finn said. "I'm gonna go get some flowers for my wife from the gift shop." He turned and walked out, fully aware of but ignoring the big elephant in the room.

"How long do you think before she wakes up?" Addison asked once the door had closed.

"Impossible to tell," Derek shook his head. "More than last time, I'd wager."

"More than fifteen hours?"

"Her body needs time to recover. Three surgeries in a week isn't easy on the human body."

"I know. It just seems like so long..."

"She'll get only the best care." He was determined again, a look not unlike a baseball player waiting for the pitch coming over his face. "I'll make sure of it."

"Derek," she prompted. He sighed, knowing sheh was bringing this up again. "Derek, things haven't been the same between us for a while."

"We're not talking about us right now, Addison."

"Fine, let's not talk about us. Let's talk about you and her."

"There _is_ no me and her!"

"That's the thing – you want there to be. You love her, Derek."

He turned to her and opened and closed his mouth a few times. She recognized his as his thinking face, and she waited it out until he was ready. Finally, the determined expression from before crossed his face again, and he admitted it.

"I do, alright? You got me. I love her. So shoot me."

And with that, he turned on his heel and walked out.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Just wanted to put it out there to the two lovely people whose completely unhelpful and non-constructive reviews I deleted, I said, "don't like, don't read". Not sure how much clearer I can be. Anyway, moving on, Happy Holidays to all, and hope you enjoy the update. Spoiler (except not really because it's the first paragraph of this update): Derek finally confronts Finn – we're well on our way! By the way, Italics is Meredith's POV. I couldn't make her dreams a full chapter on their own, but I wanted them incorporated in some way. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Dr. Dandridge," Derek called as he strode after the doctor. He'd almost cornered him in the gift shop, but the veterinarian had bolted as soon as he'd seen Derek's white lab coat. "Dr. Dandridge, the police need to talk to you." It was all he could do not to grab the man by the throat and beat him to a pulp.

"No they don't, they got my statement last time." Finn spoke quickly as he hurried down the corridor away from Derek.

"And this is a completely different situation."

"No, it's not. Same thing as last time, I swear to you.

"Well then, you need to tell that to the police. But let me talk to you for a moment." Derek reached out for Finn's forearm, somehow sensing that he wasn't going to stop willingly, but hadn't so much as closed his grip around the bone when it was jerked from his grasp.

"Don't touch me!"

"Dr. Dandridge, I know what's going on." He was trying not to scream, his words sounding forced. They were just enough to stop Finn in his tracks, and there was no way he didn't know it was only duty-bound self-control that kept Derek from beating the shit out of him.

"Oh, do you now?" he sneered.

"Yeah, I do. She doesn't want to say, she's too scared of you to rat you out. But I can see it in her eyes. And in the injuries. Your stories don't match up, and it's so obvious that she doesn't want you around that baby – "

"Don't you _dare_ say a single word about my child!"

"Don't interrupt me," Derek warned, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Listen, she may not be important to you. Can't be, if you treat her – "

"Don't even go there, you impertinent little – "

"Don't. Interrupt. Me," Derek spat again, this time slamming his open palm into Finn's chest and pushing him forcefully to the wall behind him. "As I was saying. She may not be important to you, but she is to me, and I see what's going on here. It's sick, and it's twisted, and you _both_ need help. I don't feel comfortable having you around my patient; you're disrupting the healing process. Finn Dandridge, you are banned form Meredith's room, you can see her once a day under supervision. The police are in the lobby waiting for you as we speak, and if you don't show, they have a warrant to find you at your house."

Finn spluttered helplessly for a moment before finally finding the strength and the words to retaliate. "Why are you so concerned, anyway?! She's a patient, and you act like she's your girlfriend. Get over your pretty-boy crush on my wife." Derek rolled his eyes and removed his hand from Finn's chest before walking off. "And that's _Doctor _Finn Dandridge to you!"

* * *

Derek opened the heavy wooden door to Meredith's patient room, cringing at the faint click of the metal catch between the door and the frame. He knew Meredith was deeply unconscious, but didn't want to disturb her getting the rest she needed. He glanced around the room on entering, not being able to shake the feeling that Finn hadn't listened to a word of his outburst and was still lurking in the corner of Meredith's room. Thankfully, he seemed to have finally scared the bastard off.

The seat next to Meredith's bed was vacant, and she seemed lonely. So Derek took up the post and grasped her tiny hand tightly in his.

"I know I was probably too harsh with him this morning," he started, just loud enough to hear himself over the heart monitor beeping in the corner. "You'd hate me if you'd heard. In fact, I don't know that you don't still hate me from yesterday when I discharged you. But you know I'm right, everyone knows. And it's not healthy. He needs help, Meredith."

No response, not that he'd expected one. She'd only been out a few hours.

"Yeah, you would have killed me. So I guess it's a good thing you're resting. Do me a favor, rest up good. And we'll get you back to a better life. I know, that probably sounds condescending. But that baby needs a good father. I know for sure it already has a good mother. But I can tell you're scared. He doesn't deserve a family. He's... he's not healthy, Meredith. I'm not saying he's a bad person. I'm saying what he does with his emotions is bad. You're not safe. The baby's not safe. I don't even think he's safe from himself."

This time he thought he saw her shift in the bed a little, as if on some sub-conscious level she agreed with him.

"See? You see where I'm coming from. I know you don't want to hear this, but it's for the better. I don't think you love him, either, Meredith, or you'd push him harder." Wait. No. Damn, that came out wrong. Thank God she was asleep. "No, never mind. Screw that, if you could hear me. I just meant... you deserve better, Meredith. That's all."  
Back to square one – nothing.

"Okay, I'm gonna go now. Miss me, will you?"

She shifted again. He officially decided that was her agreeing subconsciously.

"Great, thanks." He stood to leave, and made it three-quarters of the way to the door before turning and looking back, hand poised to grip the cool metal of the doorknob.

Should he?

He should. "I love you," he said quickly, getting his nerves out. He took a deep breath, and then tried again. "I love you." Slower now. Actually comprehensible.

She shifted.

* * *

"I talked to the police." Finn's voice was low and ashamed as he shuffled to the open door of Meredith's room. Derek looked up from the screen of the heart monitor and disentangled his hand hastily from Meredith's. He didn't think Finn missed the gesture, though, seeing the extent to which his eyes narrowed.

"Good. Did they have to track you down at your house?"

"No," Finn scowled. "And I told them exactly what I told you. It was an accident."

"Of course," Derek lied smoothly. "Whatever you say."

"I was wondering..." Finn's voice was shakier than ever before, and Derek realized that he'd actually scared the man. "I was wondering if I could have my one visit now. You're here to supervise, and all that."

"Sure," Derek allowed, stepping back from the bed. "Do your thing. Fifteen minutes."

"That's it?" The veterinarian was bitter, but not surprised.

"Don't test me right now, Dr. Dandridge," Derek warned, and he settled down into the recently-vacated chair to hold his wife's hand. Derek noticed that he took her left hand – the one he hadn't been holding. So he really hadn't missed the gesture.

He let himself zone out mentally while Finn murmured sweet nothings to Meredith, but was physically poised to attack. Whatever Finn had told the police would be shot to hell as soon as Meredith woke up, he would make sure of it. He thought to the pile of scans sitting on his desk at home and the mounting heap of evidence stacked against Finn's claims. Everything would be okay.

Finn stood to go, and Derek pushed himself out from the wall to accompany him to the door. Meredith deserved some peace and quiet. They were wordless until they both reached the hall and the door gave a gentle click of acquiescence.

"So, what's your hang-up with Mer?" Finn asked almost conversationally. It was his turn to stop Derek in his tracks.

"I'm sorry?"

"Why are you always hanging around her room?"

"Because since the staff decided that you're officially suspicious, and we can't do anything to have you permanently thrown out until she wakes up and tells us her side of the story, someone always has to be there in case you decide to drop by."

"I think it's more than that." They were stopped now, and Derek leaned backwards against the wall. His arms were crossed in front of his chest in a way that was usually natural, but this time was defensive.

"And what exactly is your theory that you apparently can't wait to get off your chest?" Finn was quiet, deliberating for a moment whether he wanted to say it or not. Finally, he spoke, his words running together in one big gust of carbon dioxide.

"I think you love her. I think she's friendly, and your marriage is failing, so you think you love my wife. But you're just infatuated with her. And you're making this whole thing up in your mind to give you a reason to swoop in as her knight in shining armor, because you think you love her. So... stop."

It was Derek's turn to deliberate. He didn't need quite as long, though. He knew exactly what he was going to say. He'd been thinking it for at least the past three days.

"I love your wife. I know it's soon, and I don't know her that well, but I love your wife. So if you don't, then I don't see why you can't just step aside for someone who will actually give her the love she deserves."

* * *

_I was slowly getting better. My head pounded less; there was less pressure. And my dreams... my dreams were less about the incident and more about... happier things. Like Derek, I was dreaming a lot about Derek._

_I felt bad for what I'd said to him right before I'd gotten discharged, and I wished I'd been able to rectify it before I left the hospital. And I was really glad that at least in my dreams, he was still talking to me. Though in real life, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd assigned another surgeon to my case. _

_But right now in my dreams, he was holding my hand. And although I wished that if I was going to dream about him, my mind would let me out of a hospital bed and put us in a field of flowers with a picnic and... God, when did I become this domestic? I was never this bad before I met Finn._

_Wait, Dream Derek was speaking. Did Dream Derek know I was awake? I guessed not. _"He's not healthy, Meredith. I'm not saying he's a bad person. I'm saying what he does with his emotions is bad. You're not safe. The baby's not safe. I don't even think he's safe from himself." _No, that was very true. I tried to respond, but Dream Me couldn't. Dream Me was fast asleep. Wait, where was Finn? Oh well, didn't care. I turned my attention back to Derek, and tried like hell to tell him I agreed._ "I don't think you love him, either, Meredith, or you'd push him harder. No, never mind. Screw that, if you could hear me. I just meant... you deserve better, Meredith. That's all." _No, that wasn't right. I'd promised Finn forever, and be damned if I wasn't going to deliver on that promise. Still, the baby... Wait, Dream Derek was still talking. _"Miss me, will you?" _Oh, I would. But now Dream Derek was turning to go. I didn't want Dream Derek to go. _"Iloveyou."_ What was that? Was that what I thought it was? But... there was no way. He's married, and this... this was just a dream. I wished... I so wished. But there it was again. _"I love you." _That was actually a plausible confession of love. Still a dream, but... a girl can always dream. _

_I _so_ loved him, too. _

_And I tried like hell to tell him._

_But Dream Me was still... Dream Me. So nothing. But I think I might have twitched a little._


	8. Chapter 8

She coughed. That was all she could do, was cough hysterically and wait for someone to notice her. _I can't breathe,_ she tried to communicate silently to somebody – anybody – in the room, but apparently her ESP wasn't quite as strong as she would hope for it to be. Was there a way to work on that? Maybe – _damn it, Meredith. Stop rambling to yourself, think about ESP and the intricacies of life later, and get this thing out of your throat NOW. _She tried again, probably sounding like a dying goose in the process, but it was effective. A warm, all-too-familiar hand covered her face briefly and, when it moved, took the intubator with it.

Derek.

"How long?" she asked, and winced at the raspy, underused quality to her voice. That was attractive.

"Quite long enough," Derek replied warmly, not even batting an eye at the horrible sound that she still couldn't believe had come out of her mouth. "Glad to have you back."

"Glad to... be... back." There it was, the hesitancy and pain that she remembered with her speech immediately following her last operation. She cleared my throat yet again in an attempt to remove some of the stiffness from her vocal chords.

"So, you gave us quite a scare this time," Derek continued. "We had to operate on your old bleeds and a new one, plus you've had a couple bad bone breaks and the baby distressed a couple times, but nothing too serious. Mainly we're just concerned about _you_."

"Bone breaks?" She echoed. "I don't feel anything..." She flexed a few parts of her body experimentally – nothing. Had she really been out _that_ long? It dawned on her, along with an onslaught of horror, that Derek had never answered her initial question. She couldn't have been under long enough to heal broken bones – could she?

"I would hope not, with the amount of morphine in your system right now," Derek chuckled. "I didn't want you in pain when you woke up."

She smiled at his consideration. "But how _long_?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry, about forty hours."

"Longer than last time."

"Oh, definitely. You have got to be one tired woman, Meredith Dandridge." Well, now that he mentioned it, she couldn't surpress her yawn. But she'd just woken up from a forty-hour nap, what the hell _was_ this? He seemed to read her mind. "I know. What do you say you nap for about two hours and then I'll wake you up and check your vitals? Then if you're still tired, you can go back to sleep."

"That sounds... good." Her sentence was chopped in half by a longer-than-average yawn.

"I thought it might. Sweet dreams." She thought he would leave, but he only settled back into his chair and took her hand again, a gesture that felt... oddly right.

Her eyes closed again.

* * *

"Okay, Miss Meredith, how are we doing?" Derek murmured as he prodded her gently awake with a finger to the side.

"Don't call me Miss Meredith," she griped back at him, then, rearranging her face into something vaguely resembling a smile, "And much better, thank you."

"Your husband stopped by earlier," he mused as he reached forward to examine her surface wounds. To her credit, she trusted him enough that she only twitched slightly away from him, an action that obviously still bothered him a great deal, judging by the look on his face. "He's only allowed in here once a day now. I told him he should have picked some other time, you might have been awake."

"Why'd you kick him out?"

Derek's face darkened. "Finn likes to agitate me. I wouldn't be the best doctor I could be with him hanging around."

"And if I want him in here?" she challenged

"Do you?" He was calling her bluff. He was calling her bluff, and she played _right_ into it.

"No," she admitted sullenly, and Derek couldn't help but smirk in satisfaction. He wiped it quickly from his face, but she caught it before he had the chance.

"Well, with that settled, we have your friends Evans and Williams right outside the door. Are you up to talking to them?" While his tone remained light, his eyes were conveying so much more. Desire for her to tell the truth. Desire for her to get herself out of this situation. Desire for her to be safe.

Could I? Would I?

She'd given up so much for Finn. She'd loved him at first, yes. He was charming and smart and she'd fallen for him fast and hard. They'd married young, just when she'd finished medical school. And then they'd gotten married, and settled down, and before she knew it, she wasn't doing her residency because she was someone's wife now. She had responsibilities. And then he got promoted, and now... this. Seriously, why was she even _doing_ this?

But then it happened again. His face flashed through her mind's eye. And not his drunk, angry face. She'd had _way_ too much of that already. But the face she'd been treated to so many times when they were dating. Happy, smiling, usually overshadowed by the flowers hanging off of tree branches at the Dartmouth campus. He'd courted her traditionally, with flowers and jewelry and the like. And he'd been so... Finn. What she had now, though, wasn't Finn. He – it – was just some temporary replacement.

But could she really bring a baby into this kind of life? Because it wasn't. It wasn't a life. It was... an existence. She glanced down at her now gently-rounded stomach, unnoticable to anyone except those specifically looking for it. But she was, and all of a sudden she felt a surge of maternal instinct overtake her. She couldn't let this baby grow up like this. Finn wasn't the kind of father she wanted to influence her child. And, a thought that really scared her: _Derek was._

But she would deal with the latter at a later time. Because for now, she had some honest explaining to do to Officers Evans and Williams. It was time.

* * *

"Nice to see you again, Mrs. Dandridge," Officer Williams greeted as he strode into the room. Officer Evans followed at a respectful distance, shooting her an encouraging smile and nod. She flushed a little bit; she knew that he knew. He and Derek had made it perfectly obvious last time. But now that she was actually going to tell them what happened, it made his support... oddly comforting.

"And you, Officer." She was trying to be brave, but why did her voice have to _shake_ so much?

"Ready to tell us what's really going on here?" he grunted, and Evans shot him a reproachful look. "I mean, how are you feeling?" he amended.

"I'm fine. Ready to get this off my chest. I suggest you take out your notepad, you're gonna want to write a few things down." This was easier than she'd thought.

"Why don't _I_ ask the questions, and you just supply the answers?" Oh. She _wasn't_ doing this right, after all. She lowered my head slightly and nodded the go-ahead, while Derek shot her a smile and a thumbs-up. "What caused the incident approximately a week ago when we spoke to you last?"

"Finn."

"And the incident that lead us here today?"  
"Finn."

"And the six incidents between January 1st of last year and the incident last week?"

"Everything was Finn, okay? Everytime I've been hospitalized for anything other than appendicitis was Finn."

"So, you would say that your husband is abusive." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"Would you like to press charges?"

She turned to Derek, who shrugged and shot her a look that obviously read, _It's your decision. _But when her eyes implored him to give her some kind of direction, he gave in and nodded almost imperceptively: just once up and once down. It was enough to cement the decision she'd already half-made in her mind. "Yes. Bring that bastard to his bony knees."

Officer Evans and Derek shared a glance before smirking at her choice of words. "We'll leave that to the lawyers, but you'll find that attitude advantageous," Evans chuckled.

"Great. Advantageous sounds great."

"And I take it that you don't want Dr. Dandridge admitted to your room from this point on?"

"No chance in hell." she grinned triumphantly at Derek, who grinned back. Okay, she was good at this after all.

"Okay, we'll leave the rest to the lawyers. Do you have one?" She thought of Mr. Salvatore, the "family lawyer" who would be completely and totally on Finn's side, no matter what she said.

"No."

"Okay, we'll leave some information with Dr. Shepherd for you to peruse at your leisure, and we'll be in touch. We'll let you rest now. Good job today."

She leaned back with a sigh of relief and ordered another hit of morphine for her pounding head and sore joints. She knew there would be more to say later: to the cops, to the lawyer, to Derek... but for now, all she had to do was _sleep_.

Blessed sleep.

* * *

"Hey..." Derek whispered, prodding her in the side again. "Vitals check, wakey-wakey..." She blinked her eyes open groggily and stuggled to sit up.

"What...?"

"Vitals. Don't sit up, just be awake for me, okay?"

"What...?"

"I know it's confusing, and you're tired, but you were so strong today, okay? I'm proud of you."

"What...?"

"Meredith, you really shouldn't be experiencing this kind of confusion this long post-op. This is actually relatively concerning, we really need to check up on this."

"Derek, shut the hell up." This was getting really frustrating.

"What?"

"What the _hell_ is that noise?" If he'd just let her finish her thought, he wouldn't currently be booting up some kind of strange neuro-energy-wave-reader thing to gauge why she was so out of it. And she wasn't imagining it, either. There was this banging on the door, and someone... someone _screaming_. And, unlike when she'd woken up after that surgery for her ruptured spleen three months ago, she could tell it wasn't _her_.

"Oh. Uhmm..." Derek was floundering for words and adjusting the towel slid in the crack under the door. "That would be... Finn."

"That's _Finn?_" she asked incredulously, taking in the manic sounds and trying desperately to match them to her soon-to-be-ex-husband's voice. She failed.

"Let me in!" he was shouting. "That's my wife! And she's lying, I would never hurt her! Let me in there, I just want to see her! I just want to talk to her! Let me in!"

"God, he's repetitive," Derek chuckled, going about adjusting a few more pumps as he noted a change in her blood pressure. "Your blood pressure's gone down."

"I think it's the relieved stress," she commented, snuggling a little deeper into the covers. Then, "Do you think I did the right thing?"

"I do," he said without a second thought, stopping his motions and turning to look her in the eye. He spoke over the sound of Finn's wailing from outside, trying to make her comfortable. "If your gut says it's the right thing, then it's the right thing. I promise. _You_ will always be right."

"You think so?"

"I do," he repeated.

"You know what?" Her mouth twirked to the side a little in a playful smirk, one that hadn't really been present on her face in quite some time.

"Hmm?" he asked absentmindedly, turning back to his machines.

"I think so, too." There was a moment of silence before she turned her head to the door slightly and narrowed her eyes in confusion. "And Derek?"

"Hmm?"

"What's the towel under the door?"

His eyes were sparkling when he turned back to her. "Your husband is _really _loud."

* * *

**A/N: I know it's been awhile, this is what I warned you about. Hopefully my procrastination won't start getting the better of me in the weeks to follow before midterms. Anyway, had a quick question for you all: since I've said before that MerDer ****_will _****be endgame, this isn't really a spoiler, and I was just wondering if anybody would be interested in me continuing this story after they get together and Finn is out of the picture. It would be a lot fluffier, but with references to their (and her) past, which is what makes it different from the other fanfics out there, and is what made the idea stick in my mind. Anyway, leave me a review with your opinion, or you can PM me, whichever. Thanks guys!**


	9. Chapter 9

"Okay, Mrs. Dandridge, this is going to feel a little cold," Addison said in a tone as icy as the ultrasound gel as she spread it over the expanse of Meredith's abdomen. The woman shivered slightly as the gel smoothed its way on, but she grew accustomed to it as it took on the heat of her body. "And... there's your baby," she pointed out, gesturing to the screen. "Head, spine, even little tiny feet. Would you like a printout?" She was trying to expedite the process as much as possible, it was the most she could do to keep Derek out of the room and thus avoid the pathetic, weepy scene that unfolded. He hadn't told Meredith about his feelings yet, she was sure of it, and if she had anything to do with it, he never would. The less contact between them, the better, and the greater chance of her getting out of this with her marriage still relatively intact.

"Yes, please," Meredith smiled, blinking back the beginnings of tears from her eyes. "And I was wondering... the baby really is okay, right? With all the injuries and surgeries... it just seems like a lot." Addison's face softened. Sure, this woman was stealing her husband without even trying, but she was still a mother. A very worried mother.

"There's no sign of injury to the baby. Now, that doesn't mean we're out of the woods yet, but it is a promising sign. We can do an amniocentesis in seven or eight weeks—it's usually done between fifteen and twenty – to test for anything serious, and there's no telling the results of that. But there's nothing imminently threatening at the moment, no." Meredith breathed an audible sigh of relief.

"Oh, good, thank you." Just then, Derek burst through the door holding a stack of magazines and a baby name book, along with yet another bunch of carnations.

"Meredith, I got you some baby magazines, I know you wanted to look at nursery furniture. Oh, and I figured you could start thinking about baby names. They had it in the gift shop, so I figured why not? And these are for you, I'll just put them next to - " He stopped when he saw Addison standing there awkwardly, holding the ultrasound wand. "Oh. Hello, Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Hi, dear," she mused, replacing the wand in the socket next to the screen and hitting the necessary button for a printout of the current screen. "So, Meredith, here's a picture of your baby, and I'm sure it's time for Dr. Shepherd's exam, so I'll just step out." The woman in the bed, however, wasn't listening, as she opened the baby name book and started poring over the little girl names.

"Ooh, what about Adrienne?" she gushed. "It sounds so pretty and sophisticated."

Derek and Addison exchanged a glance. "Adrienne's my middle name," Addison finally commented after a long moment of silence.

"Oh," Meredith uttered awkwardly, turning the page sharply. "I... it's a very pretty name." Addison fixed her with a piercing stare, wondering what her next move would be.

"Never mind that, then," Derek said, scurrying to sit next to her on the bed and turning the page. "Uhm, what do you think of Alliyah? Wait, is that the printout? Let me see." Meredith handed him the grainy grey and white image, and a look that Addison couldn't quite describe came over Derek's face. "Oh, Meredith. That is going to be a beautiful baby." Addison coughed a little and glanced significantly at her husband—if she could even call him that.

"Oh, right, exam," he remembered, and took the penlight from his lab coat pocket. "Open wide," he said, gesturing to her eyes, and she complied. "Good, very good. 100% gorgeous green, and no weird flashy pupils." His tone was light and teasing, and he looked happier than he ever had in over ten years of marriage.

"Shut up!" she protested. "I only called it a weird flashy pupil once."

"And you claim to have an MD," he teased back, and she swatted his shoulder playfully. Not being able to take it anymore, Addison left the room. Nobody was paying attention to her, anyway.

The door shut behind her with a click, and the view through the window showed Derek and Meredith look up briefly before busying themselves again with the "exam", really just an excuse to flirt shamelessly. Disgusting, really. They were both married.

Although Addison had heard through the grapevine that Meredith wouldn't be married for long. Rumor was she had come clean about the whole ordeal to the police and was not only filing for divorce, but pressing charges. Of course, this wasn't something she'd heard from Derek, who would rather die than talk about Meredith to Addison after his confession in her room a few days prior. It wasn't fair; he couldn't just tell her he loved someone else and then just pretend that the problem didn't exist.

But as she looked through the small window in the door, unnoticed by either inhabitant, Addison realized something.

He wasn't pretending the problem didn't exist. He was making the problem very, very clear. He just didn't want to admit it.

And so the ball was in her field.

* * *

"So, everything looks good. Very good, actually. Although we better keep you here for a while, there's no telling what could happen in the next few days. Relapses and re-bleeds aren't uncommon in these cases, so you'll be here at least another three days for monitoring," Derek concluded after a very long exam heavy in distractions and diversions. "But we should be able to send you home... relatively soon." Meredith didn't miss the slight disappointment painting his eyes with the last part of his sentence.

"That's right, I have to figure out where I'm staying," she groaned, remembering that there was no way she could stay at the house. "Our place is in Finn's name, I can't kick him out. I guess I'll call the Archfield and make a reservation. Can you hand me my phone?" Derek seemed very lost in his own world. "Derek? My phone?" she asked again, rapping her fingers on the wall next to her to bring him out of his trance. Finally, he seemed to come back to the present, and Meredith rolled her eyes at his space-cadet attitude, though she would rather die than admit that she found it endearing.

"How are you going to afford the Archfield?" Derek asked. "The lawsuit will pay for your medical expenses, but the hotel's going to want the money upfront." That hadn't occurred to her. Grasping at straws, she began to think about family members that Finn hadn't alienated yet who would lend her money, but Derek continued before she could think of anyone. "Which is why I was thinking. Addison and I have an apartment in the city, but we also own some land out on the island. Addison hates it there, but I have a trailer that I keep for when I want a weekend off to go fishing and have some quiet time. You could stay there—I know it's not much, but it's something until you figure something else out."

"Oh, I couldn't intrude like that," Meredith breathed, blown away by Derek's generosity. "That's your sanctuary, I couldn't take that from you."

"I wouldn't mind having you there at all," Derek insisted. "We've become such good friends, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew that I didn't give you a place to stay when you needed one and I've got a perfectly good one available. C'mon, please?"

"Well, what about when you want to go fishing? Take some time off of husband duty and just be a guy? You wouldn't want me there then, though I'm sure you'd be too polite to just kick me out, and then you'd be miserable."

"So I'll take the couch for afew nights," Derek countered. "You're good company, and you're more than welcome at my trailer. I'd love to have you, in fact I _insist_."

"Well, who am I to refuse when you insist?" Meredith decided finally, after thinking on it for a few moments. "But the second you want me out –"

"Which I won't."

"The second you want me out, just say the word."

"I promise you, I won't want you to leave. I love your company, you're a delight. And you have nowhere else to go. So we're golden."

"I'm a delight?"

"Positively delightful," Derek confirmed, kissing her lightly on the forehead as he lifted himself from the side of the bed. Meredith closed her eyes lightly as his lips brushed her skin and allowed herself to revel in the feeling of it, something she thought she would never have the opportunity to feel again.

Boy, was she wrong.

* * *

"So. You love her," Addison stated from the corner of the bathroom as Derek approached the sink to brush his teeth. He jumped a little bit when he heard her voice, but his surprise soon turned to exasperation as he realized the topic she was bringing up yet again.

"I don't want to talk about this right now, Addison," he sighed, wetting his toothbrush and starting the nightly process. Addison took advantage of his foam-filled mouth to get her two cents in.

"So you're saying you don't love her? Is that what you're saying?" Derek rolled his eyes and continued brushing his teeth. "Because if you don't acknowledge it, I'll just take that to mean it was a momentary lapse in judgment and you take it back. And then we can be together for the rest of our lives, you know, like you promised me. On that one day when we went to a church and said vows and then went to Florence for three weeks."

"Oh, oo mead ow weddigh?" Derek uttered sarcastically around a mouthful of mint.

"OH, is _that_ what that's called, you know, when you _marry_ someone? The word, it was just on the tip of my tongue." Derek rolled his eyes again. "Because, if you really love Meredith, then maybe you should marry _her_ instead." Shooting her a venomous glare in the mirror, Derek spat out his toothpaste and rinsed before continuing.

"I don't want to talk about this right now," he insisted.

"Well then when _do_ you want to talk about it?" Addison snapped, finally breaking. "Because I have to know. You may think _you_ have it hard, being in love with someone other than _me_, but this doesn't just affect you! _I'm_ the one married to you!"

"Oh, so now being married to me is a hardship?"

"Well, yes!"

"Now you know how I feel! You _slept with_ my _best friend_, and you have the audacity to complain about my unexpressed feelings towards a patient. That's what _I_ call a hardship."

"Then get out! File for divorce. Ask for a separation. Cheat on me! Just _do_ something, already!"

They stared at each other, chests heaving, for a moment, the air thick with tension. It dawned on Addison that at this point in a movie, they would have sex.

Not a bad idea.

So she moved to kiss him, but he stopped her with a single hand to the sternum. The look on his face screamed bad news.

"I want a divorce." He stared at her for a second, daring her to protest.

"Okay," she agreed. "Get out."

"Gladly."

And with that, he disappeared into the bedroom to pack a bag.

* * *

"Hey," Derek whispered as he pushed the door open. "Do you mind if I stay here tonight?"

"Not at all," Meredith replied. She should have sounded groggy, but she'd been up thinking anyway. Thinking about the lawsuit, and about the baby, and about Derek. Especially Derek. Part of her wondered if his appearance in her room was a madness-driven mirage, or something constructed sheerly out of want, like a hysterical pregnancy. But she was willing to take advantage of fake, late-at-night, hallucination Derek as long as he was there.

"Great, I'll just take the couch," he offered, passing the bed and bouncing up and down a few times on the stiff cushion. "Is there a spare pillow over there?"

"Don't be stupid, Derek," she insisted. "There's plenty of room on the bed, let me just move over." He looked, even in the dim light, as if he knew he should protest but didn't want to. And she didn't really want to, either.

"Thanks," he said instead, and crossed the room to lay down on the mattress next to Meredith. The smell of him was intoxicating, especially at this hour. He was all musk and soap and mint, and the scent just enveloped her. They lay in silence for several minutes, and Meredith was just about to drift off to sleep – she hadn't realized how truly tired she was until there was a reason to stay awake – when he broke the thick blanket of quiet.

"I think my marriage is over."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Okay."

They returned to a comfortable pause, and it wasn't until Meredith heard his breathing even out and soft, dream-powered mumbling fill the room that she started to believe that maybe – just maybe – the Derek lying on the bed next to her right now was real.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: New(ish) character in this update! You'll recall that I mentioned her briefly in Chapter One, I meant to bring her up again sooner but never really found a spot to introduce the subject without interrupting the flow. Anyway, figured I'd warn you. Hope you like the update, and keep reviewing!**

* * *

Meredith awoke with a start from what she believed to be a very sweet, very vivid dream. The room was dark, but the beginnings of sunlight were beginning to appear through the blinds – too early to wake up. Sighing, she rolled over, determined to sleep for a while longer before Derek or Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd inevitably woke her to check her pupils or check the baby or check a number of other things that she didn't understand – her motto these days was simply "smile and nod". But to her surprise, her motion put her directly in the path of a solid, warm body next to her on the bed.

Derek.

"Shit," she muttered. It was one thing to dream about these things, but they were both married. Her, not for long, but as far as she'd known, he'd been relatively happy before this whole debacle. And now she was meant to believe that he actually showed up in her room in the middle of the night and told her that his marriage was over? Okay, maybe not _happy,_ per se, considering their conversation the day she'd been discharged. But they'd been, to quote him, "working through it". Had he given up on that?

Because of her?

_Don't be stupid, Meredith,_ she chastised herself. She wasn't that girl that had an instantaneous effect on people and made them leave their wives. He just thought of her as a friend, that much was obvious. He'd offered her a place to live, yes, but... that's just what friends do, right? _Don't worry about it now, _her mind nagged her. _Ponder the nature of your relationship with Derek later, worry about people passing your room and looking through the window now. _It was true: Derek had made sure that she was left undisturbed by morning rounds, and refused to leave her to the fumbling wee-hours care of a resident or intern, but that certainly didn't stop people from glancing in curiously at the woman that Dr. Shepherd kept so well-guarded. It didn't usually bother her much, she just opened a magazine and ignored them. But if someone were to walk by and see _this..._

"Derek," she tried, prodding his shoulder gently. "Derek, you have to wake up." He simply shifted slightly in his sleep, his lips parting just barely to let out a small sigh as he curled a little closer into Meredith. She sighed. "Derek, what if people see?" Nothing. She sighed again, and was wondering how to proceed, when,

"Meredith..." he mumbled, so quiet that Meredith could barely believe he'd even said it. No way, no how. Doctors didn't fall in love with patients. Wait, where had _that_ come from? He'd said her name, that didn't mean he was in love with her. _Stop jumping to conclusions,_ nagged the naggy inner Meredith that she was starting to hate more and more for her unwanted interference. Shaking this latest revelation off, she tried again.

"Derek, get up." Nothing. Suddenly, a shrill beeping permeated the air, emitting from his pager still attached to his waistband. And where Meredith's prodding finger and gentle voice had failed to wake him, the beeping noise roused him instantly to a state of semi-awake and he stumbled to his feet clumsily, hair all askew.

He looked adorable.

_Bad Meredith._

"Mine," he called out groggily to no one in particular and headed for the door, zombie-like in his plodding footsteps and inability to perceive his surroundings. Meredith fought the urge to laugh as she watched him leave, instead settling back into the pillows. Sure, she was dead if Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd knew he'd been there. But based on his dreariness, he probably didn't even remember the events of the previous night anyway.

What Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

So with that in mind, she drifted back off to sleep, hoping not to be disturbed for another few hours, and much looking forward to the inevitable dreams of Derek.

Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd, nice of you to join us," Addison said icily when Derek had entered the trauma room. The other doctors in the room exchanged glances. They'd no doubt noticed the fact that the Doctors Shepherd hadn't come in together, so this kind of exchange was probably just adding fuel to the fire.

"Nice to be here, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." Derek shot her the closest thing he could muster to a dazzling smile laced with contempt at this hour of the morning as he blinked the last of the fuzzies from his eyes.

"I hope you slept well last night," she offered in the same frozen tone as she waiting for the ultrasound machine to finish turning on.

"Like a baby," he answered amicably enough, trying to remember. They'd fought, he'd left, and... then what? _Damn you, memory, come back to me,_ he thought bitterly, trying to throw off the last of the fog of sleep. And... there it was. Meredith's.

Meredith's?

The rest of the morning came back to him, and he remembered vaguely making his way out of the room in the general direction of the pit while Meredith looked on, half amused and half worried.

He'd be worried, too, if he saw the state of himself answering those late-night pages.

"An on-call room, I'm guessing?" Addison probed, jerking him back to reality.

Time to change the subject. "Who's the patient?" he asked smoothly.

"You remember my new favorite patient, Lexie Grey?" Ah, yes. Addison had taken a liking to the quiet, young girl whose boyfriend had knocked her up and then ditched, leaving behind only some money for an abortion. Lexie, however, had refused to do it, and decided to keep the baby. At twenty-four weeks, Lexie developed preeclampsia and came to Addison, who diagnosed the problem and determined that it was too early to deliver. The only option was to keep a close eye on both mom and baby, putting Lexie on constant bed rest minus her weekly visits to Addison at the hospital. Yes, Derek remembered this patient very clearly, as he'd heard hours and hours of talk about her from Addison for the past eight weeks. He got the distinct feeling that he'd like the woman given half the chance, but Addison sure wasn't making it very easy.

"Yes," he answered simply. "This is her?"

"She had a seizure, I need you to check her."

"I figured," he answered back equally shortly, and turned his attention to the patient at hand.

* * *

"So, we're going to need to keep you here from here on out," Addison said to Lexie. "I know it's daunting, but I think we can make it to term if you're just watched more heavily. We also upped your dosage of anti-seizure meds, and the episode doesn't seem to have done any damage, so we're just going to be grateful for that and try not to let it happen again. Okay?"

"I'm here for the next eight weeks?" Lexie asked, looking confused. "But I made it for so long on my own..."

"Miss Grey, this will be so much easier on you," Derek offered, ignoring Addison's glare that so clearly read, "my patient, back off". "You've been managing this pregnancy entirely on your own so far, but there's people to help you now. You just have to let us."

"And this is the _only _option?" she asked, still reluctant. "If there's a way that I could stay at home, I'd really prefer it."

Addison took control over her ship again. "This really is the best option," she confirmed. "You'll have 24/7 monitoring and access to emergency care at the drop of a hat. At home, if something were to go wrong..." The sentence didn't need finishing.

"All right," Lexie relented finally. "I'll have my mother bring my stuff by later today."

"Good choice," Addison concluded, and Derek gave Lexie an encouraging smile.

"One more question," she called at Derek's retreating back as he was leaving. Both doctors in the room looked up, Addison from the chart she was finishing updating, and Derek from the floor. "You... both have the last name Shepherd. Are you married?"

"Yes," Addison smiled as she flicked a lock of hair over her shoulder effortlessly, at the exact same moment that Derek firmly grunted, "No." Both narrowed their eyes at each other and tried again.

"Yes!"

"No!"

"You, ah... you don't have to answer that," Lexie murmured awkwardly, twisting the bedsheets in her hands.

"Good. Now I'm going to leave this here for the nurse, and you just get some rest, okay? I'll see you later," Addison said, wincing apologetically as if to say, "I'm sorry for my husband's behavior," before she turned on her heel and followed Derek from the room.

"So we are getting a divorce, then?" she asked, finally catching up to him. "It wasn't a momentary lapse in judgment, or anything? You really don't want to do this anymore?"

"That's typically what, "I want a divorce," means," Derek pointed out. "My lawyer will call yours."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Addison yelped, following him in her heels, the clacking noise attracting the attention of everyone in the hallway. Neither Shepherd seemed to care, though. "We're not even going to talk about why?"

"As you so delicately put it, I'm in love with someone else."

"Does she even know how you feel? Do you really want to give up eleven years of marriage for someone that you don't even know will return your feelings?"

Derek thought for a moment before answering with extreme confidence. "Yes. Because someone who sees me loving someone else and being willing to work through it as on par with sleeping with my best friend is not someone that I want to be married to anymore."

And he walked away.

* * *

"Meredith," Derek called as he pushed the door open. "I've got a visitor for you." His leg propped the door open as his arms busied themselves pushing Lexie's wheelchair through the door. "Well, not so much a visitor as... well, just hear me out."

"Hi," Meredith greeted the new woman uncertainly.

"Hello," Lexie reciprocated before turning back to Derek. "Dr. Shepherd, what's going on?"

"Well, Lexie needs to stay in the hospital until she's full-term," Derek explained. "And part of her trepidation was being alone most of the day. So I figured she could use a roommate, plus we're running out of space on the maternity floor. So, we're just going to help you into the second bed over there, by the window... You don't mind, do you, Meredith?"

"No," she admitted, sitting up a little straighter. "Although the drama in here can get pretty overwhelming. Are you sure she's up to it?"

"I'm sure we're good," Lexie answered, accepting Derek's helping hand as she stood and hoisted herself as gracefully as possible into the bed.

"Meredith Dandridge, by the way," Meredith offered, reached across the gap between the beds to shake the woman's hand.

"Lexie Grey."

Meredith's face went slack and her mouth dropped open. She opened and closed it a few times, saying nothing, before Derek and Lexie's questioning glances prompted her to finally spit it out. "My... my maiden name is Grey."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I know, I know, I suck. I'm not even going to try and sugarcoat it, midterms are next week for me and updates are going to be sloooow. That is, unless I get sick of studying and decide that I can make fanfiction-writing look like outlining my biology textbook. But here's something I whipped up in study hall to tide you over.**

* * *

_Recap (Since it's been so long!):_

_ "Meredith Dandridge, by the way," Meredith offered, reached across the gap between the beds to shake the woman's hand._

_ "Lexie Grey."_

_ Meredith's face went slack and her mouth dropped open. She opened and closed it a few times, saying nothing, before Derek and Lexie's questioning glances prompted her to finally spit it out. "My... my maiden name is Grey."_

* * *

"Wow, small world, huh?" Derek grinned, oblivious to the situation. Judging by the confusion painting Lexie's face, she too was clueless. Meredith's mind, however, was racing. Was it possible that Thatcher had simply moved on? Could this woman be her half-sister?

She put the thought out of her mind, shaking her head vigorously as if to solidify the action and letting a small smile come across her mouth. "Oh, definitely. Nice to meet you, Lexie. How long are you here for, do you know?"

"Eight weeks, if I make it that far without delivering." She made a face. "Obviously the goal is forty weeks, but it doesn't look like we're going to get there."

"Have a little hope," Meredith encouraged her. "I thought I was going to lose the baby for sure after everything I've been through, but Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd really is excellent. Right, Derek?" She turned to look at him, but he'd slipped out of the room when the girl bonding had begun.

"How far along are you?" Lexie asked, eyeing Meredith's almost non-existent baby bump.

"I'm eight weeks. I didn't even know until I was hospitalized. They had to check me for internal bleeding, and the ultrasound showed this little bundle of joy." She smiled warmly at her abdomen; despite the circumstances, there was no sarcasm in her tone. "I'm leaving in a few days, anyway, provided nothing else goes wrong."

"Where's your husband?" Lexie inquired curiously. At the guarded look that came over Meredith's face, she added, "I don't mean to pry, but you mentioned that we had the same _maiden_ name..."

"Yeah, Finn's just... we're getting a divorce," Meredith answered reluctantly. "I don't really want to get into it..."

"I don't blame you," Lexie said supportively. "My boyfriend ditched me when he found out I was pregnant. He only left behind a couple hundred dollars for a substandard abortion. He doesn't know I kept it, and I don't want him ever finding out."

"Men suck," Meredith agreed, raising the plastic cup of water on her nightstand. "Cheers." Lexie did the same, pouring herself a small cup from the pitcher next to her.

"So," the woman began as she drained her cup. "Tell me about yourself. Your parents, your friends... who's here for you?"

"Derek and I are good friends," Meredith started slowly, not wanting to give too much away. Obviously, if they were half-sisters, Lexie didn't know about her, and Meredith didn't want to be the one to give her the shock of her life. She didn't miss the knowing smile that crossed Lexie's face. She must have met Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd - or worse, seen them in the same room together. "So he's here for me. And... my mother's in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. I see her when I can, but things are so busy." She didn't mention that lately, when she'd gone to see her mother, she'd thought Meredith was one of her best friends from her residency who'd also had an abusive husband, and hadn't been quiet about her disapproval of the bruises littering Meredith's arms and even her face. That coupled with hearing about Ellis's extra-marital affair was too much to take, and she hadn't gone much over the past few years.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I had a grandmother with Alzheimer's. It's... hard," Lexie sighed. Maybe the two women had more in common than just a name. "How's she doing?"

"Like I said, I don't see her much. It's difficult to keep up with it when you have a life of your own. But the last time I saw her, about three months ago, she hadn't been lucid in a very long time, and she thought I was her best friend from her residency. It wasn't a conversation I'm eager to have again."

Lexie winced sympathetically. "My grandmother stopped recognizing me a year after she was diagnosed. It progressed quickly. She thought I was her dentist most of the time." She giggled despite herself - it was funny, in a sick way.

When Derek poked his head back in to check on Meredith a few hours later, the women were chatting up a storm, and he withdrew, not wanting to interrupt their moment.

* * *

"Lexie," Addison called as she pushed the door open gently. "I have a visitor for you. Are you up to it?" Meredith cringed at the sound of her voice - did she know that her husband had slept in this very room the night before?

"I've been managing a house primarily by myself while being on twenty-four-seven bed rest," Lexie responded. "I'm not exactly weak."

Taking that as permission, Susan Grey shoved past Addison and into the room, eager to see her daughter. "Oh, Lexie," she sighed. "I should have come over more. I should have helped more... From here on out, I'll be here at least four hours a day. If you need anything, anything at all - " It was then that she noticed Meredith looked up warily from her magazine. "Oh, hello."

"Hi," Meredith offered back as cheerily as possible. She hadn't missed having someone there for her until she realized that everyone else got visits from people that weren't brain surgeons that they were falling in love with.

"Susan Grey, this one's mother," Susan supplied, offering a hand to shake, which Meredith took hesitantly.

"Meredith Dandridge, this one's roommate." The three women laughed, and Addison made a face that didn't go unnoticed by Meredith. She had to know.

"Mom," Lexie cut in."Meredith's maiden name is Grey. Weird coincidence, huh?" Susan's face went pale, the same way Meredith's had when she'd found out the truth. She looked evenly at the kind woman, wondering if it was a trick of the light or if she had known about her all this time.

"Meredith... Grey?"

"That was me," Meredith answered. "And will be again, just as soon as the divorce is finalized. So soon, I hope. But yeah, Grey. That's funny, I didn't think it was all that common," she rambled, cutting herself off before she could make too much of a fool of herself. Before Susan could continue, Addison butted in.

"I hate to break up the party," she sighed faux-apologetically. "But I'd really like to examine both of you ladies. Mrs. Dandridge, you know this is just routine, as you'll be out of here in a few days, God willing," she began as she started to drag out the equipment. It was then that the door opened, and Derek waltzed in as if on cue.

"What'd I miss?" he asked leisurely, as if it was the most normal thing in the world for him to be there.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd was about to check on the baby," Meredith smiled, glancing, anticipant, at the loading screen. She had begun to look forward to this part of the day, when she would see just how much her stomach had grown, and get the first looks at the new life she (and Finn) had created. No matter how horrible the circumstances, it had never occurred to her to get rid of the baby. It wasn't something she even thought she was capable of doing.

"Oh, excellent," Derek grinned, lifting her legs up and moving them sideways to make room for himself on the bed. Addison's eyes narrowed, and Meredith shot him a warning glance. Lexie and Susan looked on, Lexie in amusement and Susan in surprise. Lexie, at least, could tell from their conversation how much Meredith cared for Dr. Shepherd, and how unusual their camaraderie was. It wasn't all that often that you caught a patient and surgeon on first-name basis, not to mention that the woman seemed confused by the nature of their relationship. If there was one thing Lexie was good at, it was reading people, a skill she'd forced herself to develop after her poor choice of boyfriends over the past couple years, and Meredith Dandridge (Grey) was a woman in love. She couldn't help but wonder if this was part of the reason for the double divorces.

"Is it about time for your exam, too, Dr. Shepherd?" Addison asked harshly, stressing the "Dr." moniker. Derek ignored her tone.

"Nope," he said jauntily, popping the "p". "Just wanted to check up on my favorite patient, see how we're settling in here."

"Awh, I'm your favorite patient?" Meredith asked, crinkling her nose and tilting her head with a smile.

"Was there any ever doubt?" Derek smirked. "Oh, and these are for you. I seem to remember somebody mentioning earlier that they were craving caramel." He handed her a large, circular box labeled "Salted Caramels", wrapped exquisitely with red paper and tied off with a bow.

"Derek..." Meredith sighed. "These aren't from the hospital gift shop, are they?"

"Nope," he said again. "I found myself in my office overlooking the chocolate shop across the street, and I thought, "Why don't I take a walk over there and pick some stuff up?" You aren't the only one who can crave candy, you know."

Meredith popped a candy in her mouth and let out a low groan of delight. "Pregnant lady privilege," she insisted, and Derek shook his head with a chuckle. "So, what's the occasion?"

"No occasion," he shrugged. "Just... you don't have anybody here for you. So I wanted to let you know that I've got your back."

"Thank you, Derek," she said, smiling graciously. Addison "hmph"ed at the blush painting her cheeks.

"It was nothing. Now, let's see that baby. Addison?"

* * *

"So," Lexie began several hours later, when the doctors and nurses had left the room and it was just Meredith, Lexie, and Susan eating dinner. "You and Dr. Shepherd are _really_ good friends, then."

"Yeah," Meredith answered offhandedly, scooping the remainder of the alfredo sauce from her bowl and licking the spoon clean. "I've been a patient for a while, so we've had time to get close."

"You never said what got you in here in the first place," Susan commented.

"And I'd really rather not. Finn and I have... a history, and it's a little dramatic and a little sad, and I just don't really want to get into it."

"I'm sorry," Susan murmured. "It's just... I've only known you for a few hours, but I feel like you could be my daughter." Meredith stiffened, and Lexie didn't take notice. Why should she suspect?

"Yeah, well, I never had a father, or much of a mother, so I could use the bonus parent," Meredith said, feigning casualness and calling Susan's bluff.

"What's your mother's name, dear?" Susan asked. "You mentioned she wasn't well, I'll pray for her."

"Ellis," Meredith smiled, looking the woman straight in the eye. "Ellis Grey." Lexie was paying attention now, perfectly aware of the weird atmosphere in the room.

Without another word, Susan crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. She placed her hands on Meredith's shoulders and looked her in the eye. Green meeting blue.

"Do you know?" she asked quietly. "Or... did you? About us?"

"I do now," Meredith answered, matching Susan decibel for decibel. Lexie was straining to hear them, that much was obvious, and in another situation, Meredith would have laughed at the peculiar expression on her face.

"I'm so sorry," Susan said, her voice cracking a little as she took Meredith in her arms. "So, so sorry." She pulled away after several long moments, tears in her eyes, and, in answer to Lexie's questioning gaze, smiled and said, "My long-lost step-daughter... part of the family at last."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I got some really great reviews about this chapter already, enough that I've been convinced not to change anything. I did however, notice quite a few irritating formatting errors that occurred somewhere in the exchange from the computer in my study hall to my email to my iPhone to my home computer. So I haven't actually done anything to change the content, I promise, this is just edited a little better than it was when I posted it last night.**

* * *

When Derek pushed the door open, Meredith and Lexie were sitting in a dense, uncomfortable silence, and Susan was long gone. The room was softly lit with warm light from the bedside lamps, contrasting the dark that had fallen outside the windows. Frowning, he contemplated what had brought this on. He'd walked in countless times throughout the day to see them laughing, joking, having a good time. And now this?

"Meredith," he began cautiously. "I'm here to check on you. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. But really, I'm more concerned about my little sister. Will you check on her for me? I think she's had a bit of a shock." Her voice was dangerously quiet. So much so, in fact, that Derek was almost distracted from the content of her statement.

Almost.

"Little sister?" he echoed her. He got no answer, save silent nods from both parties. "Okay..." he said slowly. He knew he was treading on thin ice here; he'd had enough experience with women to know that the silent nod paired with the quiet voice was never good. "Well, Miss Grey is technically not my responsibility. If you think the preeclampsia is threatening the pregnancy, then we should page Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd."

"_Don't_," Meredith groaned. "Don't bring up your wife. Because I don't think preeclampsia is the problem. I think _shock_ is the problem. Because it's not every day that one finds out that their parents have been lying to them their entire lives. That when they said, "How would you feel about a brother or sister?" that you already _had_ one. And as for me... at least my mother never lied to me. She didn't know. But it's... hard to find out that Thatcher Grey did _want_ children... just not _me_. So don't bring her up, Derek. Because I don't know how much more I can take, today. And I think..." she took a deep, shuddering breath. "I think... if you remind me of yet another reason why I'm not supposed to be in love with you, I might just..." Her voice trailed off as she erupted into racking sobs. Was that... was that what he thought it was? His face was blank and his mind was blank and everything was just... blank. Flat-line. Done.

She loved him.

He glanced to Lexie, who, shock or no shock, was smirking in a way that clearly read, "I knew it." He widened his eyes in silent question, and she shook her head.

"I'm fine, Dr. Shepherd," she said quietly. "I'm a little irritated that my parents didn't say anything, but that's not likely to send me into full-blown premature labor." He nodded vigorously, not quite sure now what to do. "Go to her," she urged him, gesturing to the crying woman in the bed. "Pregnancy hormones are a bitch, she's just overwhelmed. Don't be scared of the scary pregnant lady." And with that, she calmly picked her magazine up off the nightstand and flipped it open. He was still worried by Lexie's overly-calm demeanor, but it was a start. One down, one to go. Hesitantly, he walked over to the bed and, much like earlier, picked Meredith's legs up and swung them over to the side, making room for himself on the bed. She waved a hand pathetically at him, as if to tell him to go away, but she couldn't get the words out. Instead of complying with her silent wishes, he wrapped his arms around her tiny frame, the one he still marveled at when he thought about the sheer amount of food she could put away. He thought she'd at least struggle against him for a moment, but she surprised him, instead simply sagging into his body and leaning her head on his shoulder, tears seeping through the thin cotton of his navy scrubs.

"I love you," she choked out. "And I'm not supposed to, because you're married, and you're my doctor, and this is totally inappropriate, but I love you." He had to strain to make out the disfigured words, but when he heard them, he grinned against her hair.

"Meredith," he tried to interrupt, but she continued over him.

"And you're being really nice about this, you really are. You must get patients falling in love with you all the time. I even looked it up online even though I'm not supposed to be reading off a screen that small, it's a complex or something..."

"Meredith - "

"It's because you saved my life or something like that, except I think it's more than that. I think I'm actually legitimately falling for you, but you and Addison were supposed to be working things out, and now I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm telling you this!"

"Meredith - "

"I think it _used to_ be a complex. Plus you're hot. Do you even _know_ how hot you are? But that's not the point, the point is that I've been a patient here for a really long time, and you care. And I know it's your job to care, Derek, but you care more than a lot of the other doctors. And you've always been so nice to me... wait." Her eyes grew wide with fear, and she looked up at him like a lost child. "Was it just... your job? The things you do, do you do this for every poor, lost patient that doesn't have anyone?"

"Okay, you're letting me talk now, so instead of answering that, I'm going to say what I've been trying to say for the past three minutes." He took a deep breath and let it out, smiling slightly at what he knew was to come. This was it. This was Derek Shepherd, getting everything he wanted. "Meredith - "

"Oh, I knew it!" she howled before he could finish his thought, misreading his nervous facial expression. "I knew it! It is just a job to you! And you and Addison - Oh, you're gay, aren't you?"

His mouth dropped open as if it were on a hinge and his eyes went wide as saucers. "I'm sorry, _what_?" Now he was really confused. How had she arrived at _gay_?

"I should have known; the hair should have given it away. It was too good to be true. Straight guys never spend that kind of time on their hair. I'm so stupid." She wasn't crying anymore, just groaning to no one in particular as she rested her forehead in the palm of her hand.

"What makes you think I spend an excessive amount of time on my hair?" he scoffed, incredulous. "Just because it's good hair doesn't mean - "

"You smell like hair gel. All the time. It's sad, really." She started to giggle despite herself, and Derek continued to stare blankly at her. "Okay, I've been really stupid. We're okay, right? We can just forget this happened. Because you're my best friend right now, and I don't want to lose you." She looked at him, appealing silently until he found his voice.

"Meredith, I am _not_ gay." He couldn't believe he even had to voice this fact.

"Oh, you're not?" she seemed confused now, as she ran a hand over the curls atop his head. "Then what's this?"

"Good genetics. And growing up with four sisters."

"Oh. Okay. Then what was it you wanted to tell me?"

Still a little shell-shocked at how quickly she'd changed gears, he stared down at the woman in his arms, a little lost for words. "Meredith, I - " she went to interrupt him again for God knows what reason, but he stopped her with a single finger to her lips. "No, I've been trying to say this since you started crying, and I'm not about to be interrupted again. This isn't... you are not just a job to me. Far from it. I look forward every day to coming in here, because I know I'll get to see your beautiful face. You light up my days and make me whole. My marriage with Addison has been crumbling for some time, but it wasn't until I met you that I had a reason to do anything about it. Because I love you, Meredith, and I have since the first moment you opened your eyes in this very room. I know we make quite a pair, with our messy lives and spouses and babies, but Meredith, if you'll have me... please give us a shot," he begged, tears coming to his eyes at the sudden onslaught of emotion and the pure feeling behind his words.

Meredith, too, was crying again, but her eyes shone with happy tears instead. Slowly, he gained the courage to lower his index finger from her mouth and allow her to speak. She didn't though. She pondered and pondered, and it seemed as if she was trying to come up with some way to top his sentiment. But she didn't say a word. Instead, she simply smiled a small smile and craned her neck to meet his lips with hers.

After all, actions speak much louder than words.

* * *

"Hello, Addie," Derek practically sang as he swung through the door of their apartment.

Addison looked up from her magazine and raised her eyebrows. "So, let me get this straight. We're getting a divorce, but we're still living together?"

"Not at all, I'm just here to pack an overnight bag."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Where are you staying?" Despite the divorce and her miffed facade, she _did_ care about him, and would prefer he didn't sleep on the street.

"With Meredith. My girlfriend." The way he said "girlfriend" reminded her of a little boy showing off the girl he was supposed to marry at recess, but the way he said "Meredith" reminded her of something much greater, much deeper. She finally saw it for the first time - the sheer, unadulterated love shining in his eyes. He, in this moment, reminded her of David Tennant.

"Your girlfriend, huh? Have we forgotten that despite your ridiculous displays of affection, she has no idea how you feel?" She was calling after him up the small set of steps now as she heard rustling and thumping coming from their - her – bedroom.

"Not true, not true at all," he continued to grin as he came back down the stairs, carrying his bag with clothes, razors, and toothbrushes sticking out every which way. "She told me today that she loved me, and after she accused me of being gay, I managed to get a word in edgewise and tell her that I return the sentiment. So good day to you, and my lawyer will call yours sometime tomorrow." She supposed she should have seen it as a bad thing that they never cut ties completely with the divorce lawyers they had briefly hired after her little mistake with Mark - although she also supposed she couldn't call it "little" anymore.

"Okay," she muttered, fixing her glasses back to a normal place on her nose. "Good night, then." He nodded and turned to the door, grabbing his keys from the end table where he'd set them out of habit and putting them safely in the pocket of the coat he'd never bothered to take off. She felt her gut clench slightly despite herself - this was their home. This was their home, and he was leaving it. Forever. Never to sleep in their bed beside her again. She knew she shouldn't care - he didn't love her anymore, and she was fairly certain that she loved the _idea_ of him more than she actually loved _him_. But it just seemed so sudden, and wrong.

"Derek," she added as an afterthought, seconds before the door would close behind him. "Yes?" he asked, still obviously excited about the new adventure he was about to embark on as he poked his head back in.

"I'll be examining Meredith for discharge tomorrow at ten. If you could... maybe not... I don't know..."

"Not make it obvious that I spent the night and maybe leave the room so as to spare your feelings?" he finished for her, his expression softening. It still wasn't quite as blue as you would expect from a man for whom divorce was looming on the horizon, but it was closer. "Done." "Thank you," she said quietly. A peace treaty. One which he accepted. "Good night, Addison."

* * *

For the second time that week, Meredith heard the door open and registered the thin band of hallway light marring the silvery coating of moon. She knew it was Derek without even turning her head, but she did anyway. Because she could. She could look at him the way she'd wanted to, with smiling eyes and not bothering to hide the lust that she held for him. And this time, she reveled in the same expression coming from Derek. Her life really was pretty good.

Well, besides the tubes and wires set up by her bed.

But other than the fact that she was hospitalized - and even that wasn't too bad, she would likely be going home the next day - she had a boyfriend of sorts, she was getting a divorce, she was going to be a mother, she had a sister that she'd come to terms with in the time since Derek had left to pack a bag, and a step-mother, not to mention the father that said step-mother insisted wanted to meet her.

Yep, pretty good.

"Hi," Derek said quietly, taking care not to wake the sleeping woman in the bed closer to the window. She was exhausted from her long day of sibling drama, not to mention finding out that she had a sibling in the first place.

"Hi," she returned.

"You know we have to talk about this." It was true, they couldn't just jump into this and not discuss the multiple factors that would come to determine the success of their relationship.

"Yeah, I do," she sighed. "But can we sleep now?"

"Mhm," he murmured as he slid into the bed next to her. This time, he didn't have to move her legs for her – she moved aside just enough to allow him in before she curled up and snuggled into his chest. "I love you," he whispered into her hair, nuzzling his nose into her lavender-scented tresses before pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head.

"Mmm, love you too."

It wasn't long after that the she drifted off to sleep and the room filled with soft snores. But Derek was awake for quite some time, reveling in the beauty that was his life at the moment.

By the early hours of the morning, however, the feeling of her warm body in his arms was enough to lull him into a deep, dreamless, sleep, the first good night he'd gotten since Addison's infidelity.

This was right.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hi all! I know it's been an unusually long amount of time between updates, and I'm sooo sorry, I'm trying really hard to update regularly here. I just kind of felt after the last chapter that I had a lot to live up to and this one didn't come easily to me. Nevertheless, here is chapter thirteen! A question for you all: would you prefer this be a really extraordinarily long story, or that I start a sequel some time in the near future? Review or PM me please! Anyway, without further ado, enjoy!**

* * *

"Derek, this is beautiful," Meredith sighed as Derek's car approached the trailer. She could just barely see the glimmering silver between the trees, but she could already tell that she loved this land, regardless the size and space associated with the living arrangements. The forest foliage was thick, green, and leafy, and what she'd seen of the view thus far was simply stunning.

"I'm glad you like it," he smiled back. She could see the difference in his demeanor since they'd made themselves official just the previous day. This morning, he'd left her room before Addison could show up in high spirits, departing with a kiss on her cheek and returning as soon as Addison left with decaf coffees for both of them. "It may not be my baby," he'd said, "But it is a team sport. So if you're not drinking caffeine, then neither am I." He brought a hot chocolate for Lexie, too, who claimed that her pregnancy made the idea of coffee beans nauseating.

Meredith had been discharged that morning, but she and Lexie had departed on good terms and promised to keep in touch. Derek was insistent that Meredith should rest at the trailer for a few days, but swore that she would be up and spending days at the hospital with him as soon as the following week. Life was looking up, and this beautiful new (temporary, she reminded herself) home wasn't changing her exultant mood at all.

Derek pulled around the final corner, revealing the highest-class trailer Meredith had ever seen. Where she was expecting a dumpy little white box on wheels, she saw a sleek silver trailer sitting in a clearing. It seemed sizable enough (for a trailer) and was surrounded by nice patio furniture and flanked by a crystal lake where she knew from their previous conversations that Derek liked to fish early in the morning. They stepped out of the car, and the first thing Meredith smelled was clean, fresh air, not something she was used to after years of living on mainland Seattle.

"I know it's a little small," Derek said apologetically, snapping Meredith out of her reverie. "And it's not very… woman-ish, but I think you'll like it here. And if you want some company, I mean, I wouldn't want to impose, but…"

Meredith cut him off with a finger to his lips. "I'd love some company. Pregnant lady, alone in the wilderness? Bad idea. Besides, it's your place anyway."

"Right," Derek said around her finger, and she giggled at the ticklish sensation of his breath against her skin. "Bad idea. So, I can take the couch if that would make you more comfortable, or…"

This time, Meredith's face crumpled a little bit, and she fought off tears. It wasn't a big deal, really, she didn't know why she was crying. She'd been rejected before, and it didn't hurt that much anymore. Nothing hurt that much anymore, not after everything she'd been through with Finn. "I… okay," she agreed, trying not to let her lower lip tremble too much. Damn hormones.

But Derek was not convinced. "Meredith," he asked, raising his eyebrows in concern. "Why are you crying?"

"No reason," she whimpered, swiping at her eyes pathetically. "Nothing's wrong, just… I'm gonna grab a few of my bags and take them in." He'd been nice enough to stop by her apartment while Finn was at work and pick up a few bags of her clothes, which were now sitting in the trunk of his SUV.

"Meredith, there has to be a reason," he pleaded, gripping her forearm gently as she tried to pass him and wincing sympathetically as she flinched. He knew it would take some time for her to gt used to the gentle touch of a hand that wasn't Finn's. "Please talk to me."

The look on his face was so hopeful, so understanding that she couldn't resist. "Why do you want to sleep on the couch?" she blurted, much to his confusion.

"Surely _you _don't want to sleep on the couch?"

"No..." she said significantly, trying to make him understand with just her facial expression. "I meant… I meant… don't you want to… I mean…"

Dawning crossed his face. "Share the bed with you?" She nodded, looking up at him expectantly. "I could," he mused. "I'd be more than happy to. I just didn't know if you'd be comfortable, sharing a bed with me at my place. I didn't know if it seemed like moving too fast for you."

"Should it?" she asked, concerned. She hadn't been a part of the dating game for pretty much just as long as he had. The difference was that everything he said came out charming and beautiful, and everything she said came out stilted and awkward.

"No," he assured her. "Not necessarily. I just figured, with everything... We're not operating on a timeline here. There's no standard, you know that."

"Derek Shepherd, will you share a bed with me?" she asked, smirking. This, she was confident, came out just as good as his words.

"I'd be honored," he answered with a smile, and leaned in to brush his lips against hers. Her eyes fluttered shut and she smiled at the feeling. His lips were warm and soft and plush, and they melded perfectly with hers. He pulled away sooner than she would have liked, but she knew there would be time for plenty more kissing later, so she let him go. "And Meredith," he called after her as she tried again to pass him and get to the trunk of his car. "Go sit down, I'll carry the stuff in. You shouldn't be doing any heavy lifting… you know, in your condition," he smirked, before she cut him off with a smack to the head, but complied.

"Fine, bag-boy. Bring me my things."

He pretended to be offended, but Meredith could see the happiness sparkling, undiluted, behind his eyes. He was just at home where they were as she was.

* * *

"Feel more at home now?" Derek asked some time later as he unpacked a box full of pajamas into the dresser that he was so used to being mostly empty. Now, he had one drawer and a quarter of the tiny closet, where Meredith took the other three drawers and the remaining closet space. Meredith looked around the cozy bedroom, which she'd improved with a number of throw pillows and blankets that technically didn't belong to anyone in particular, but she'd taken from the house out of spite, and glanced to where she'd suckered Derek into folding and putting away the entire pile of her jeans and t-shirts.

"Yes, I do, thank you," she said sweetly, sidling up to her boyfriend of all of twenty-four hours and pressing a shy kiss to his cheek. He smiled at the gesture and wrapped an arm absent-mindedly around her waist, tugging her closer.

"I never pegged you as the shopaholic type," he mused, staring intently at the lack of room left in his closet and the pathetic mass of dress button-downs now squeezed tightly to the wall. The rest of the space was taken up by the staggering amount of dresses and nice blouses that Meredith had insisted could not be folded; they had to hang.

"I was suckered into becoming a housewife. A housewife with an MD," Meredith protested. "I was meant to be a surgeon, and instead I got to stay at home and clean a house. Of course I shopped."

Derek turned his head to gaze steadily at her. "You've mentioned that a couple times now," he said. "You have an MD?"

"I was supposed to be a surgeon," Meredith clarified. "Finn and I met at Dartmouth. But then we got married, and Finn really needed someone to be... there for him, with the practice and everything. So we decided that I would stay home." Derek raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Fine,_he_ decided."

Derek contemplated for a moment. "Have you thought about what you'll do after the divorce?"

Meredith shook her head. "I haven't. There's just so much going on... I'd like to live in the moment for a while. I spent much too long planning next week's dinner and what I would wear to next month's ASPCA function. It's time I got a few moments to be happy and relax in the wilderness."

"Fair enough. But if you decide you want an internship, I'd be happy to pull a few strings with the Chief to get you in mid-year."

Meredith shook her head violently. "Nuh-uh. I don't want to be a bother, I'd start at the beginning like everyone else." She shrugged heavily; why was she even thinking about this now? She wasn't a housewife anymore, she was a healing brain surgery patient. She didn't have to think about anything, and she found that she really didn't want to. "What do you have to do for the rest of the day?" she asked, avoiding the subject.

Derek checked his watch, and Meredith peered over his shoulder. 3:00 pm; it had taken them almost all day to unpack her things.

"I've got a meeting with my divorce lawyer in an hour, I should leave soon," he said apologetically. "Will you be okay here by yourself?"

Meredith rolled her eyes at his over-protective nature and shoved his shoulder lightly. She found she couldn't budge his strong, built frame, but the intent was clear. "You're not my babysitter. You're my..."

"...Boyfriend?" he finished for her.

"Yeah, boyfriend," she agreed, the word feeling weird on her tongue. "So you go do your... divorce-y stuff, and I'll be here when you get back."

"Good," he said, kissing her lightly. "I'll definitely see you later. then?"

"No, I was planning on disappearing while you were gone," she said sarcastically. "Honestly, Derek, I _just _told you I would be here when you got back."

"I'm sorry," he apologized automatically. "It just... still feels so surreal to me." She looked into his eyes, and, for the first time, saw the insecurities lying in their depths. He'd always been the confident one, but she could tell now that he was just as unsure here as she was.

"I know," she said quietly. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Whatever you want to make," he said neutrally, dropping another kiss on her mouth. "Love you, see you later."

"Love you, too," she called after him. He was almost to the door when he stopped and turned around, another question on his lips. "Honestly, Derek, stop second-guessing. I'm here, I'll always be here."

"I wasn't," he said hastily. "I just wanted to ask if you'd chosen a lawyer from that brochure the cops left."

"No," Meredith said slowly. "I was going to look again later, but none of them have stood out to me so far."

Derek nodded slowly. "Do you want me to ask Mr. Gregor if he'd represent you, too? I contacted him when Addison and I were supposed to get a divorce a few years back, and he's very good."

Meredith grinned. "People who get divorced together, stay together?"

Derek made a face at her crappy humor. "What do you say?"

"I would be honored to share a divorce lawyer with you."

The grimace on his face multiplied tenfold. "I'm leaving now!"

* * *

Meredith heard the door of the trailer swing open and shut just as she placed the steaming bowl of pasta on the table.

"Honey, I'm home!" Derek's now-familiar voice bellowed from the doorway. Meredith wiped her hands on her apron (which she made a mental note to throw out later) as Derek walked into the tiny kitchen. "That's a good look on you," he said, scrutinizing her appearance, and she made a face at him as she whipped it off and balled it up, tossing it in his general direction. Her throw, however, could have been better, as he caught it easily and tossed it into the laundry hamper now positioned next to the bed. "What, you didn't think so?"

"Aprons aren't really... me," Meredith admitted. "It was a gift from Finn's mother."

Derek's interest was piqued. "What were his parents like?" he asked as he sat down at the table, scooping a small pile of pasta and a large pile of sauce onto his plate. At Meredith's raised eyebrow, he added, "Carbs."

She rolled her eyes, but answered his initial question. "Say what you will about the marriage, I had excellent in-laws. I don't know what I'm going to tell them, Finn probably won't say a word to them until Thanksgiving rolls around and he shows up without me." Derek smirked, it sounded exactly like Finn to him. "What about Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery?"

"Bizzy and the Captain were... well..." Derek stalled. "They were along the lines of what you described your mother to be. But worse. And times two." Meredith winced.

"Not looking forward to informing them about the divorce?"

"Oh, Addison'll take care of that, and I'll never hear from them again. I really don't think they'll care, anyway. They never took much interest in their children. I'm really more afraid of my soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law." He winced, then added, "That was a mouthful."

"That bad?"

"Archer doesn't like me. Addison warned me that everyone picks sides in a divorce, but this guy picked sides in the marriage."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me_you _have to tell him?"

Derek shook his head. "No, Addison will. But then he'll fly out here and beat me up."

"Don't worry, I'll use my pregnancy powers to protect you." At Derek's inquisitive look, Meredith explained, "He can't beat up a pregnant lady. So I'll just stand in front of you and refused to let him pass. He can't touch me."

Derek chuckled heartily for a moment, a forkful of pasta halfway to his mouth, before grinning and adding, "Divorce is a lot easier when you have someone to go through it with you."

"Agreed," Meredith smiled, raising her glass of sparkling cider to meet his matching flute of champagne. "To the future."

"To the future."


	14. Chapter 14

"Meredith?" Derek asked, poking his head into Lexie's now half-empty hospital room. "I'm off shift, are you almost ready to go?" Meredith had been sitting in a chair at Lexie's bedside for the past six hours. They'd gossiped and watched some TV. Meredith had done a few crosswords while Lexie argued with the nurse about why she refused to eat applesauce. Lexie had fiddled with an Etch-A-Sketch and did a portrait of Meredith while she took a short nap. By the time Derek was ready to go, the sisters were sitting in relative quiet, Meredith supplying the answers occasionally as Lexie worked on a book of word puzzles, but mainly trying to figure out how the hell Lexie had managed to depict her exact likeness on the tiny childrens' toy.

They'd been happy in their relationship for the past two weeks, with both of their divorces moving along nicely. Although Washington State Law mandated that ninety days must pass between the filing and the actual dissolution of the marriage, most things were worked out, at least on Derek and Addison's end of the table. They'd attended several meetings together to split their belongings pretty much in half: Derek getting the apartment in Seattle, the trailer, and the land on Bainbridge Island, and Addison the brownstone in New York, their home in the Hamptons, and the majority of household items. Not that Derek cared about the throw pillows anyway.

Meredith and Finn had, though their marriage was as close to over as Derek and Addison's, not seen each other in person since the last time he'd been admitted to her room. Meredith had ignored an entire slew of phone calls from him, choosing instead to operate through their divorce lawyers. Though slightly immature, she felt more than safe at the trailer with Derek, and positively reveled in her husband's absence.

"Yeah," she sighed, pushing her way out of the cheap hospital chair next to Lexie's bed. She was now 9 weeks pregnant, just a week past two months, and her bump was just becoming noticeable when she walked around the trailer in a tank top and shorts. While it was indeed February, the space heater that Derek insisted on installing in the trailer due completely to her presence made it feel more like July, thus she was walking around in said attire much more often. This wasn't to say that Meredith was entirely happy about the changes in her body. She'd burst into tears a few days earlier when her favorite skinny jeans didn't fit, and Derek had been at such a loss of what to do that he'd called his sister.

_"Hi, Kath?" he asked rather than greeted, talking loud enough to cover the muffled sounds of Meredith's cries from the other room._

_"Derek!" Kathleen screeched. "I got a call from Addison, apparently you're getting a divorce. When did this happen?"_

_"Uhm, a few weeks ago," he muttered sheepishly. "Listen, Kath, I don't know what Addie told you, but..."_

_"Nothing! Addie told me nothing! She just said, "Ask your brother," and hung up! So I'm asking you, Derek, what's different now that wasn't an issue three years ago when she cheated on you with Mark?"_

_"There are... extenuating circumstances," Derek replied smoothly, glancing behind him at the bedroom where he knew Meredith was sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. "Listen, I'm... at work," he lied, "And I've got this patient. This pregnant patient."_

_"Working with Addie so soon after you _file for divorce_?" his sister pouted._

_"Kath," Derek warned. "My problem is that she feels fat. And she's crying. And I can't examine her head wound until she stops shaking so much." He could practically feel the psychiatrist in his sister perk up, and she quickly dispensed the necessary information to calm Meredith down._

_He hung up with not only the knowledge of how to calm down a crying, self-conscious girlfriend, but also knowing that he needed to do something about his prying family, and fast._

Besides his anxiety about his pregnant girlfriend meeting his family, life was a dream. The baby might not be biologically his, but he _would_ be a father where it counted. Not only that, but Meredith was hoping that her separate lawsuit for domestic abuse would put Finn in jail where he belonged and make it easier to gain full custody – visitation was not something she was comfortable with considering his tendencies – and the connotation was that Derek would be the only father the baby ever knew, until he or she was old enough to know the truth. Finn had been arrested already when Meredith made her original claims against him, but one of his oldest friends and someone Meredith had considered a brother of sorts had bailed him out, setting him loose on the world until he was put away for good.

He couldn't stop himself from grinning like an idiot as he watched Meredith defeat her already-changed center of gravity to get up from the chair, and leaned in to give Lexie a half-hug and pat the mound where her future niece or nephew lay.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Lex," she murmured, and after Lexie reciprocated the good-bye, she strode towards Derek and gripped his hand in hers. "Let's go home," she said softly, and the way he referred to the trailer – their trailer – as home made him warm and fuzzy inside.

"Bye, Lexie," he called over his shoulder, placing a hand on the small of Meredith's back to guide her through the door before re-seizing her hand and making a beeline for the lobby.

* * *

"So that's all you did all day?" Derek asked, eyebrow piqued. "You did crosswords, watched TV, and argued with Lexie about the status of apples as a fruit?"

"And tried to draw with an Etch-a-Sketch, yes," Meredith confirmed as Derek pulled into the clearing by the trailer. "And failed. Those things are evil. Oh! And I took a nap."

Neither of them were looking for anything or anyone in particular sitting outside the trailer. They weren't expecting anyone – you don't expect people when you live in the middle of nowhere an entire ferry boat ride away from the rest of the city. And you certainly don't expect Finn Dandridge when he's not supposed to have any idea where you live.

Nonetheless, once Derek had rushed around to the other side of the car to open Meredith's door for her and helped her climb out of the giant SUV, they arrived at the front door only to find the bane of both of their existences sitting on the front stoop, a beer in his hand, smirking sardonically.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" he chuckled, throwing back the rest of his beer. To Derek and Meredith's relief, there were no empty bottles sitting around him, and he didn't seem to be outwardly drunk the way they had both witnessed in the past. In response to their quizzical glances, he added, "It's a condition of my bail. You know, from jail. The one you got me thrown into, Mer."

It was when he said her name that Derek's protective instincts kicked in and he stepped in front of Meredith just barely, communicating the fact that if Finn took another step, he was a dead man.

"You're trespassing, Dr. Dandridge," Derek warned. "I'm sure that not committing other crimes is a condition of your bail as well. I won't call the cops if you leave now."

"I'm not scared of the cops," Finn shrugged, though the glimmer of fear in his eyes told Derek that he was bluffing. "I was just hoping to get a word with my wife." Derek looked back to glance warily at Meredith, who seemed frozen to the spot, and Finn took advantage of his silence. "And Derek, you can call me Finn. I think we share an awful lot now, it's only right that we're on a first-name basis."

"I'm sorry?"

"You know, my wife, my child, my life, you just seem to like swooping in and taking my place. So I think it's time you called me Finn."

It was then that Meredith found her voice. "What do you want?"

"Not much," Finn said casually. "I just wanted to check up on you. Make sure you're keeping my child healthy in there, so that when I clear myself of these ridiculous charges you insist on pressing against me, I have a family to come back to."

"But you won't!" Meredith yelled, her voice shrill. It was clear that what Finn had just said had really gotten to her, and Derek moved to place a calming hand on her upper arm. She flinched away from him as usual when he didn't give her any warning, and the conscience Derek was sure was buried somewhere deep inside Finn made the now-standing soon-to-be-ex-husband mimic her action. Derek, in turn, cringed at the flinching domino effect. "You won't, because I am _not_ your family anymore! And you may be this baby's biological father, but I will do everything in my power to poison them against you, Finn Dandridge. You don't deserve a family, and if I have anything to do with it, you won't get one!" Before Derek could stop her, and pull her safe into his arms while he chased Finn away for good, she stormed into the trailer and slammed the door shut behind her. Finn, however, managed to get a good grip on her wrist before she could fully immerse herself inside, and the sound she made was a tortured cross between a scream and a cry before she, for once in her life, fought back. Her foot came down hard on his, and her spare elbow nailed him in the gut, shocking him enough to relinquish his grasp and allowing her out of his proximity, safe inside the metal structure.

Derek and Finn stared evenly at each other for a second.

Finally, Derek spat, "I don't want to see you on my property anymore. Tomorrow, I'm taking her for a restraining order, and if you don't think that I will gladly testify against you and get you thrown in jail for the rest of your miserable life, then you are sadly mistaken. Get out of here before I call the cops."

It wasn't until he was sure that Finn had left the property and was turning to make for the bus stop that he marched his way inside to look after Meredith.

* * *

"Meredith," he said softly, approaching her sobbing figure on the bed. Not wanting to scare her, he tread softly, but kept murmuring her name to ensure she remembered his presence and didn't think he was sneaking up on her. "Meredith, are you okay?"

He finally made it to the bed and perched lightly on the edge, not missing the way Meredith involuntarily rolled slightly to the side, away from him. "Meredith, what did he say that made you so upset?"

She finally lifted her head from her arms, only to shake her head rapidly and deny any emotional distress, the difference between the tears streaming down her face and her insistence that she was fine almost comical.

Almost.

"Meredith," he pleaded, shooting her the look he knew she couldn't resist. It had worked several times over the past few weeks, and there was no reason why it wouldn't work now.

Finally, she took enough deep breaths to enable speech, and started to hiccup. "I... He... he didn't think... think that I... could keep... keep the baby safe... by myself." Fresh tears were falling, now, with every word, but her breathing wasn't getting any more rapid. "He thinks... thinks that I'd... be... a bad... a bad mother."

Derek cocked his head, trying to put the pieces together. "This is about you not wanting to be like your mother?" He knew Ellis Grey was a sensitive spot with Meredith, and was treading, now, even closer than before.

"You don't... understand!" she wailed, burying her head in her hands again. Derek took up a constant "shush"ing sound, making sure she could always hear where he was, before wrapping his arms gently around her frame and cradling her to his chest. Meredith, however, continued to stiffen and flail intermittently, struggling for at least three solid minutes against him before just crying into his chest.

"Make me understand," Derek whispered in her ear finally. "Please, make me understand. I want to be here for you. I just need you to let me."

When she finally lifted her head from his chest, the tears had almost stopped. Something, however, told him that they were seconds from starting again. "When I was... five... my... my mother came home from... from work with... a scalpel." Derek swallowed hard, wondering where this could be going. "Her... her boyfriend... kind of... had just left her... and... and she sat on the kitchen floor... with me, and she said..." She started to cry again, giant, racking sobs. Derek rubbed her back soothingly, eyebrows raised in dire concern, while she forced out the rest of the story. "She said... be... be an extraordinary... an extraordinary woman... Meredith," she gasped. "And then she... she slit her wrists. Right in... right in front of... me."

His mind was blank. He literally had no experience with this, and all he could think to do was keep doing what he was doing. Rub her back, rock back and forth, prop his chin on her head and try not to cry with her.

"When she... passed out, I... I got some towels and I... I called 9-1-1," Meredith finished. "And she was... she was fine, but I never... that's what I think of, when I think of... being a... a bad mother."

"Finn knew," Derek muttered. It wasn't a question.

"And he didn't think... think that I could... could keep the baby safe. He thought I... needed to be... checked on to make... sure I didn't... kill the... the baby!"

"Shhh," Derek said soothingly as he kissed the top of her head. "Meredith, you could never be a bad mother. Finn wanted to get to you."

"No, he... he thought..."

"Meredith," he interrupted firmly. "You are not your mother. You are Meredith Grey. You are strong, and caring, and you deserve a family. Finn is like your mother, not you. Finn doesn't deserve a family. He's manipulative, and cruel, and he needs help. You're the normal one here. He's the one who needs to be checked on."

She wasn't listening, though. She wasn't listening because she'd fallen asleep after her exhausting day. Storing that particular speech away for the morning, Derek shifted her in his arms to lay her on the bed and covered her gently with the covers. After changing into his pajamas and brushing his teeth quickly, he joined her, spooning her the way he knew she would find comforting when she woke. And he murmured sweet nothings in her unhearing ear more for his own comfort than hers until he, too, fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Meredith woke, trapped in the comfort of Derek's arms. And where she would normally feel uncomfortable with this kind of intimacy, she now felt more reassured than ever that she was where she needed to be. The sun was shining through the skylight above the bed (for once in Seattle history), her baby was safe, her divorce was progressing nicely, and the man she loved was still fast asleep, breathing evenly behind her.

She turned slightly in his arms and observed the peaceful expression painting his face. She didn't often see him like this – for one, he was usually awake before her. Always the morning person, he had this disgusting habit of heading out early to fish and coming back with trout for breakfast – _trout _for _breakfast._ She'd gotten used to it, though, not to mention they had just recently crossed that threshold where she felt perfectly comfortable telling him that she'd really rather have cereal. Of course, it helped that she could pass it off as baby-induced nausea.

She wondered what had kept him sleeping this long, and then it came to her. The events of the previous night had entirely exhausted him. She sat up, unsure if the sudden wave of sickness coming over her was due to the child making itself at home in her uterus or if it was because she'd gone and done it – already.

She hadn't been lying when she told Derek that Finn knew about her mother. The difference was that it had taken her years with Finn to finally muster up the guts to tell him why she was so dark and twisty. Even then, it had taken a huge toll on her relationship – back then, she'd been a good actress, and Finn had no idea she carried that much baggage. Nowadays, her circumstances had worn her thin and Derek had every idea that Meredith was a complex being with problems galore – but this was a new one. He had to have been blindsided by this. She blinked back tears from her eyes as she thought of the inner turmoil he must have gone through the previous night.

_It's over, _she despaired to herself. _Nice going, Meredith, you've chased another one away_. But then she turned again to gaze upon the man sharing the bed with her, and shook her head vigorously to clear her thought process. He was still here, wasn't he? Curled up with her, sleeping peacefully? He was different from Finn. He was prepared for the baggage – maybe not this baggage specifically, but he knew there was... stuff. Was it possible that he'd stay?

There was only one way to find out.

Waiting.

So she got up and, after sliding the fuzzy slippers Derek had gotten her as a "welcome to my freezing tin box" gift onto her feet, shuffled into the kitchenette and cracked a few eggs. Deciding to be adventurous, she dug in the fridge to find ingredients for omelettes. She was skilled at boiling water for pasta, and, with the help of a very informative cookbook that had been a gift from Mrs. Dandridge, could make a variety of simple dishes for dinner. But breakfast had always been up to Finn. He had to be at the practice before most human beings would even think about getting up in the morning, and so he would make himself whatever he wanted and Meredith would be left to scour the kitchen for what leftovers she could find – often cold pizza or sugary kids' cereal.

But omelettes couldn't be _that_ hard – entry-level line cooks at diners made dozens on a daily basis. She cracked three eggs into a mixing bowl with some milk and whisked them until she figured they must be ready, then poured the liquid into a non-stick pan and turned up the heat.

Or was that how you made _scrambled_ eggs?

Ignoring the rest of the ingredients out on the counter – some fresh baby spinach, tomatoes, and shredded mozzarella cheese – she grabbed her phone from the charger and Googled how to make an omelette. No, she'd been right. Very pleased with herself, she returned her attention to the stove.

Her eggs were smoking.

"Meredith?" Derek groaned groggily from the other room, and she began to panic. "Meredith, what's burning?"

"Uhm, nothing!" she called back to him in a panic. "Nothing, go back to bed. I'll wake you up when breakfast is ready." But her words were in vain as Derek, ignoring her basic instructions, let out a loud grunt of effort and dragged his tired limbs from the mattress anyway. "Derek, what did I say? Go back to bed," she scolded, trying like hell to get a visual on the bottom of the would-be-omelette to decide if it was salvageable, but he continued to ignore her. Before she knew it, his tall, broad frame was blocking most of the light coming from the bedroom as he leaned against the doorjamb. "If you're going to use up all the light from the skylight, would you at least flick the switch?" she scolded, pretending nothing was wrong.

"Meredith, how high did you turn up the heat?" he asked, a smirk growing quickly on his lips.

"Eight," she admitted sheepishly. "I figured nine was overdoing it a little."

"Honey, five is overdoing it a little." He swooped in and nudged Meredith with his hip, taking over control of breakfast. Meredith, for her part, moved out of the way easily and sat down at the tiny table.

"Don't call me honey," she pouted. "I don't like pet names."

"Yes, dear," he sighed, and poured the contents of her pan into the garbage.

"Hey, I worked hard on that!" she protested, but he turned and pressed a single finger to her lips.

"Let me make breakfast," Derek pleaded. "I'm perfectly good with eggs. If you're tired of fish, just say so. But let me take care of you."

"But I – "

"You've been managing yourself entirely on your own so far, but I can help you now. You just have to let me."

Meredith sagged back into her chair and sighed heavily. "Fine. Make me an omelette."

Derek did as he was told, and they sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes as he worked over the stove, Meredith taking mental notes so that she could recreate his mastery of eggs. After some time, she realized that he was chuckling quietly to himself.

"Something funny?" she asked lightly, though still slightly bitter that she was unable to work with eggs.

"I used the same line on your sister to get her to stay at the hospital," he mused. "She wanted to go home, but I told her she just had to let people help her, and things would be so much easier."

The look on Meredith's face was indescribable as she came to terms with what he just said. "You reuse lines on me that you used on my _sister_?!"

"I – crap," Derek muttered, realizing how that sounded. "For different reasons!"

"It better be for a different reason!" Meredith scolded. "God, for a brain surgeon, you're awfully brainless."

"Sorry, dear."

At this, she stood and slapped him forcefully on the arm. "I don't like pet names!" she protested. "Do you _ever_ learn?"

"Sorry, dear."

* * *

It was hours later and after not a small number of food fights that Meredith and Derek finally settled down to actually eat a meal. Derek's days off were few and far between now that the benefits from all of his overtime with Meredith had finished paying off, and the couple was determined to enjoy them. By this time, they were eating more of a brunch than a breakfast, but both were so hungry that they didn't really care.

"So," Meredith said around a mouthful of food. "Are we going to talk about last night?"

"Do you want to?" Derek asked, reluctant to force the topic on her. "It seemed... hard for you."

"No," Meredith admitted. "But I'm trying to have a healthy relationship here."

"I know you are," he supported her. "And I'm behind you one-hundred percent. I don't want you to think I don't care, because I do. I care more than you know. But I also don't want you to freak out over this. I understand that you had a difficult childhood. I understand that you had a difficult marriage. I know there's baggage, and I've prepared myself for that. But don't feel like it's going to scare me away, because above all of that, I love you."

"I love you, too," she murmured, head studying her hands until Derek used one finger to lift her chin, meeting her green eyes with his blue ones.

"We're okay," he reiterated. "Nothing you say is going to scare me away from you."

"Okay," she whispered, and mustered up the courage to lean across the table and kiss him lightly before returning to her now-lukewarm omelette.

"So, anything else we have to do today?" he asked conversationally, putting an end to their heavy conversation track.

* * *

"What else do we need?" Derek asked as he dumped a few bottles of Meredith's favorite shampoo and conditioner into the cart. Only then did he look up to find the aisle she'd landed herself in walled with bottles of baby food. "A little early for this, don't you think?"

"Yeah, probably," Meredith admitted. "D'you think they'll like apples or pears?"

"I don't know, but for Lexie's peace of mind, you'd better go with pears," Derek chuckled. "Seriously, do you need anything else?"

"Uhm, we need more eggs," she said absentmindedly. "We smashed a few this morning."

"True, very true," Derek agreed. "Anything else?"

She turned to him and took one deep, steadying breath. Then, "Condoms."

"_Condoms?_" he echoed, surprised. "Uhm... what for?"

"Don't you think it's kind of weird that we've been together for almost a month, and I have the all-clear from both you _and_ Dr. Montgomery, but we haven't... _done_ anything?"

The guy looking at Gerber Graduates behind them was now very interested in their conversation, and Derek sent him a look that said very clearly, "mind your own business," before he answered Meredith. The look went ignored.

"Well, I just thought..."

"I mean, are you not _attracted_ to me in that way? Is it because I'm pregnant?"

"Meredith, I don't – "

"I guess I can see why it would be offputting. I mean, it's Finn's baby, and that's... weird, I know. But it's just getting... I mean, I have... needs." Gerber Graduates guy scoffed, but still went unnoticed by Meredith. "So if we're not gonna – "

"Meredith!" She stopped talking abruptly and stared sheepishly at him.

"Was I rambling again?"

"Yes," he admitted, "But I find it adorable. Listen to me, okay?" He could tell she was starting to get shifty, and to make matters worse, she had just laid eyes on the guy standing behind them and listening in rather obviously on their conversation.

"I am, just... can we have this conversation somewhere else?" she asked, gesturing. This time, Gerber Graduates guy found his voice.

"Listen, honey, I've heard everything you said so far, it's not gonna hurt me to hear anything else," he remarked with a smirk. Meredith blushed but seemed to agree with his statement, as she turned back to Derek and looked up at him expectantly.

"Okay, Meredith. It's not because you're pregnant, and it's not because I'm not attracted to you. Believe me, I've had to exercise a lot of... self-control over the past few weeks," he admitted, eliciting a small smile from Meredith. "I just didn't think you were... I don't know, _ready_? With Finn and everything, I just didn't want you to think I was rushing you."

Tears sprung to her eyes, and she wiped them away furiously with the backs of her hands. "I... I don't know why I'm crying... damn hormones," she hiccuped. "I just... I really love you."

"I really love you, too," he grinned, earning a smack on the arm.

"Don't make fun of me!"

"Sorry, dear." Ignoring the offered high-five from Gerber Graduates guy for pulling it off, Derek continued the discussion. "But... we don't really _need_ condoms." Meredith narrowed her eyes, confused. "I mean, you've been to medical school."

"Yes, but... it's... have you... I mean..."

"I'm clean," Derek confirmed, holding up his hands in the universal sign of surrender.

"Oh, me too," Meredith nodded, relief evident in her voice. "Never mind, then. No condoms."

"Are you sure? Because if you're not comfortable..."

"Derek," she admonished. "It's more than fine. But for now, can we not talk about our sex life in the grocery store?"

"Yes, ma'am," Derek promised, saluting her and making her roll her eyes.

"Great, now go get me some eggs."

Once he'd gone, Meredith turned back to the shelf and again pondered what kind of tastes her baby would have. It turned out, when she thought about it, that she didn't even _know_ Finn anymore, and thus only had her likes and dislikes to go on. She turned her nose up at the smashed rhubarb (who even _sold_ that?) and the oriental vegetable mix, but smiled at the thought of cinnamon applesauce (Lexie be damned) and baby corn. Before she could turn and go to find Derek in the milk and eggs section, her attention was grabbed by the sound of someone calling her name.

"Meredith!" She turned her head to find her soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law waving frantically from the end of the aisle.

_Shit_.

"Mrs. Dandridge," she returned half-heartedly, waving awkwardly at the older woman. Instead of leaving her alone, she turned her cart down the aisle and enveloped Meredith in a warm hug. Obviously, Finn hadn't broken the news. Yet another thing he left to her in their marriage – or lack thereof.

"How are you, dear?" Mrs. Dandridge asked, pulling away and holding Meredith at arms' length. "Let me look at you. Oh, and since when do you call me Mrs. Dandridge? It's Carla, dear, you know that." Meredith fidgeted awkwardly, avoiding a reply.

"Uhm, yeah, I'm good," she answered, though she was sure her weird tone of voice would give the situation away. "How... how are you?" Her question was ignored, though, as Mrs. Dandridge had just noticed their surroundings.

"Oh, you're _pregnant_!" she practically screeched, yet again attracting Gerber Graduate guy's attention. This time, he smirked and waved jauntily as he exited the aisle. "Oh, why didn't you call; I'm so excited! How do you feel, hon? How far along are you? Where is that idiot son of mine, anyway, I need to smack him for not _calling_, why didn't you _call?_ I love you both so much!"

"Uhm," Meredith uttered, not knowing quite where to start. "We didn't call because we're actually... uhm... getting a divorce, I feel pretty good, but I'm nauseous a lot, and I'm iffy around certain foods, plus I've been told I'm moody, and I cry a lot, I'm nine weeks, your son is probably at the practice right now, if you'd like to smack him try the house around six, though he might be drinking, and again, we didn't call because we're no longer... that is to say, well, you heard me the first time."

Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, Derek rounded the corner, dropped two cartons of eggs and a carton of egg whites into the cart, kissed her on the cheek, and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I thought I'd find you here. Ready to... Oh," he said in surprise. "Who's this?"

* * *

**A/N: Dun, dun dun! I know, I'm evil for leaving it here, but this is a concept I really wanted to go into but couldn't finish in this update because it's already longer than usual. Anyway, read and review!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Since I was really mean and left you with a cliffhanger, I figured I'd be an angel and update a few days early – I try to do Tuesdays, usually. So, you're welcome! But seriously, I'm sorry for leaving it there, but the chapter was getting unusually long – this seems to be a trend with me lately. Anyway, next chapter is ready for you – happy reading!**

* * *

"Derek," Meredith acknowledged, inching out of his embrace in a way that she hoped wouldn't only draw Mrs. Dandridge's attention. "This is my... my... this is Finn's mother, Carla Dandridge." She glanced up at him to gauge his reaction, and was not disappointed. Somehow, the thought of her soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law had made the unshakable, infallable Dr. Derek Shepherd look like he'd seen a ghost. "Mrs. Dandridge, this is my... my... this is Dr. Derek Shepherd."

The older woman, however, still seemed slightly shell-shocked by Meredith's revelation. "Meredith," she murmured. "What happened?"

"Does she know?" Derek muttered, tilting his head down and to the right just enough to put his lips in the vicinity of her ear.

"She does now," Meredith muttered back, before plastering a shameful look across her face to answer Mrs. Dandridge. "I... I don't know what to tell you, Carla," she admitted. "Do you want the truth, or some sad, made-up story about how we've grown apart?"

Unfortunately, this was a perfectly valid question. Over the years, Meredith had learned several things about the Dandridge family. They were wonderful, kind people with good values and warm hugs, but they also had an unhidden tendency to avoid uncomfortable topics. They weren't ashamed; Finn had made it quite clear that they didn't talk about Uncle Sal and his drinking problem at the family reunions, even when he was on his fifth glass of wine and in danger of alcohol poisoning. So it was doubtful that Carla would want to know the truth behind the split.

She surprised Meredith, however, by visibly steeling herself and nodding once to herself before answering, "The truth, please."

"Okay," Meredith exhaled. _Here goes._ "Three years ago, as you know, Finn got a great promotion."

"He was made a partner." Even years later, Carla swelled with pride at the mention of her son's success.

"He was. And with that came a lot of paperwork and a lot of stress, and he wasn't the same person anymore."

"So you called it quits?"

"Please, Carla, can you just... listen to me?" Somewhere deep down, the older woman recognized the vulnerability in Meredith's voice, and she piped down. "He'd always been a pacifist, you know that. He loved people, he loved animals. He never wanted to hurt anybody – he carried spiders out of the house, even when I threatened to kick him out if he didn't flush them down the toilet. But... he started drinking, and working more, and he didn't truly love his job anymore. And something in him... something snapped."

"Are you saying he became... violent?"

"I'm saying that he became abusive. Three years ago, he started beating me. And one day, I woke up in a hospital bed for the seventh time in a year – " This particular statement elicited a shocked gasp from Carla – "And I decided I was done."

"I see," was the response. "And this is...?" She gestured to Derek.

"This is Derek Shepherd. He was my neurosurgeon the last two times I needed surgery. We became friends and then... more. He's been there for me through all of it. We're together now, and I'm living with him. I don't feel comfortable fighting with Finn over the house."

"So _am_ I going to be a grandmother?" Carla asked, confused. "Or is the baby..."

"No, the baby is Finn's," Meredith confirmed. "We found out I was pregnant when I went in for my surgery – oh God, what was it, Derek?"

"Uhm, a little – a little over a month ago," he said cautiously, still not willing to make eye contact. Meredith rolled her eyes at his awkward manner in this uncomfortable situation.

"You _are_ going to be a grandmother, Carla. And I would like you to be in the baby's life if you want to be. But you need to understand that Finn won't be – _can't_ be. I've decided to press charges, so if all goes according to plan, he'll never meet the baby. I realize this sounds harsh, but I can't trust him around my child. He's unpredictable and he's dangerous. The littlest thing sets him off, and I can't have him around the baby."

Carla hadn't said much of anything over the past few minutes, and Meredith could tell she was more than a little shocked. In fact, part of her was scared she'd given the woman a heart attack. But finally, she cleared her throat and said something – anything. "I need to think about this, Meredith. I don't see why you couldn't have said anything to me earlier – before all of this was an issue."

"Don't you see?" Meredith insisted. "I was scared. I know you want to believe the best of your son, but I was scared of him. He put me in the hospital _seven times _in a year, Carla. Even if I thought you'd believe me, I couldn't just go running to his mother when the going got tough."

But Carla was still a little lost in her own world. "I'll call you sometime, Meredith. That much I promise you, but I can't promise you much more." And before Meredith had the chance to inform her that she'd changed her cell phone number in an attempt to stop Finn from determining her whereabouts, her mother-in-law was gone.

Derek's arm tightened around her waist, and he pulled her in close, his nose burrowing in her soft, lavender-scented hair and breathing in deep. "I'm proud of you," he murmured, just loud enough for her to hear. "You told her the truth, and I'm proud of you. She deserved to know."

"She did," Meredith nodded, but she knew her demeanor was giving away her insecurities. After a few more seconds of silence from Derek, she gave in and spilled her guts. "I'm never going to see her again, am I?" she asked, on the verge of tears. "She was the closest thing to a real mother I ever had, and now I'm never going to see her again."

If Derek felt like sighing deeply and agreeing with her, he hid it quite well. "You don't know that."

"She doesn't have my cell phone number."

"She'll find a way. Mothers always find a way."

* * *

"So, can we talk about the sex thing on your next day off? When is that, anyway?" Meredith cringed a little at the thought of how overly domestic she was becoming already, scheduling Derek's days off in her internal calendar, and hoped she wasn't ruining it already. But it was just so hard not to want to jump into this with Derek... wait, he was talking.

"...So if I can just pass my cordotomy off to Nelson and reschedule the meeting with Mr. Gregor – the poor guy thinks I ought to get more assets considering the fact that Addison cheated on me, no matter how many times I tell him I just want it to be over – then I should have Tuesday."

"Do you think I'm overreacting?" Meredith asked. "I mean, I get that it's just sex, but – "

"It's never _just sex_," Derek pointed out. "Sex is a big deal. It's fun, but it's not to be taken lightly. And you need to get used to this kind of relationship before just jumping right in. You've been with Finn for years, and this is... different. You and me and you and Finn are different. This is a new _kind_ of love."

"I want to just jump right in, though," Meredith admitted softly, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Me, too. And I promise you, we _will_ jump right in. We can jump right in on Tuesday, if we decide to. Or we can wait. This goes at our own pace, okay?" This time, he used a single finger to tilt her chin up, making her look him in the eye. Something about the caring, loving quality of his baby-blues made her feel infinitely better.

"Yeah," she agreed, and wrapped her arms around his neck, burrowing her nose into the crook between his shoulder and his neck. "I love you," she murmured, cuddling a little closer.

"I love you, too."

They were both already dressed for bed, so instead of shifting out of his lap, Meredith simply laid down and hoped Derek would follow her lead, perching on her side to enjoy a night's sleep in the tin box that was quickly and easily becoming very much her home.

* * *

It was not four hours later when Meredith woke, screaming. She didn't remember what was so horrifyingly, terribly wrong, only that it was _fucking terrifying_ and she didn't know where she was. Mere seconds passed before Derek, too, was wide awake, sitting up and pulling her into his lap.

"Hey, hey, shhh..." he soothed, rubbing her back. "You're okay, everything's okay." She felt him cringe slightly as she thrashed in his arms, determined to get away, not entirely understanding the situation. Once she recognized his voice, however, she began to calm down, her surroundings coming back to her in one overwhelming rush.

"Oh my God," she gasped, her throat now raw, as she had no idea how long she'd been yelling for. "We... we're at home."

"Right," Derek affirmed. "We're home, and you're safe. Are you okay?" His hand continued to circle the plane of her back; the motion had an unexpectedly helpful effect.

"Yeah," she breathed. "I'm... I'm fine, you can go back to sleep. You have to get up in..." she twisted to check the clock next to the bed, "Three hours."

His chuckling made warming vibrations against her body. "Meredith, don't be silly. Have you had nightmares before?" The dream came back to her, and she stiffened a great deal in his embrace. "Meredith?"

"No, I'm... no, this is the first time."

"Was it about Finn?" Derek asked quietly, and Meredith nodded silently. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," she whimpered, but could tell how disappointed Derek was. This was their relationship, and they were trying _so_ hard for it to be healthy, despite their circumstances. "I mean, I... I could."

"You don't have to," Derek decided, but she could tell despite his nonchalant exterior that he really wanted everything out in the open.

"Derek," she prompted.

"I just think it would be better if we were open with each other. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your life from me."

"And I don't want you to feel like you have to solve all my problems for me."

There was more laughter, then, "What a pair we make, huh?"

This time, Meredith joined him in his mirth, albeit weakly. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"I don't feel burdened, you know," Derek told her. "I want to be here for you, I just get a little frustrated when you don't let me."

"I know, I'm trying," Meredith practically pleaded with him, trying to make him understand. She wanted to believe that he already did, but on another level it was so difficult to think that maybe he did comprehend, just by being around her for the past couple weeks.

"I know you are," he assured her. "We're both trying. We just need time to synch up, and we'll be golden." She nodded in affirmation. "How about you tell me about that nightmare?"

She took a deep, steadying breath. "Finn and I were still... Finn and I. And I was pregnant again, it was our second baby. This baby," she gestured to her stomach, "Was three, and we were all eating breakfast, and she spilled the milk. And Finn just..." The sentence didn't need finishing. "And then I started bleeding, and I had really bad cramps, and Finn just goes... "I knew you couldn't keep my baby safe," and I couldn't... I couldn't stop it." There was nothing else she could say, and the tears started their usual track down her face.

She wasn't full-out sobbing, though, and that was progress. Progress, because she knew it wasn't real. Progress that Derek seemed to recognize, as he grasped her face before she could rest her head on his shoulder, instead bringing her face to his and kissing her. His lips were soft and coaxing, as if being careful not to scare her or to make her think he was trying to start... _something_. And they were comforting. They couldn't stop her tears, but they eased the pain that was the cause of them.

"I'm proud of you," he whispered when she pulled away for a quick breath, then touched his lips to hers again. "You told me, and I'm proud of you."

"I love you," was all she could say, a sentiment which he was more than happy to return.

"I love you, too." She settled back into his arms, tracing the fingers of her left hand lazily up his muscular arm and reveling in the fact that the large, showy diamonds Finn had insisted she wear as a kind of property-marking were no longer there. "So how _is_ Baby?" Derek asked, for the first time truly pressing the palm of his hand to her bump. At her sharp intake of breath, he removed his hand. "Too soon?"

"No," Meredith promised. "Never too soon. You've just... you've never..."

"It wasn't a conscious decision, I just never felt like you wanted me to go there."

"I thought... I thought you felt weird about the baby; I didn't want to bring it up."

"Never," Derek breathed, replacing his hand. "Unless _you_ feel weird about me and the baby."

"Never," Meredith echoed.

"So, how... are they?" Derek asked stiltedly. He added, at Meredith's questioning gaze, "I don't want to call the baby "it". That just feels..."

"Wrong, I know," she agreed. "I never got how people could call a baby "it", even if they don't know the gender."

"Maybe we should come up with a cute nickname."

"Peanut?" Meredith suggested.

"A little overused, don't you think? Biscuit?"

"Maybe... I don't know, Button?"

"Hmm," Derek hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe it'll come to us in the morning."

Meredith mimicked his hum in agreement, and began to clamber out of his lap to go into the bathroom and splash some water on her face. Her motion wasn't getting any easier, but she took delight in the fact that it was still possible. Her already-petite frame made what bump she had larger and more cumbersome than most women at her stage in pregnancy, so every action she could still manage was a tiny win. "You can go to sleep, I'll be there in a minute. You have an early morning surgery."

"I'll wait," he called back to her, settling back on the pillows, hands folded behind his head.

The door closed behind her, and Meredith gazed at her reflection for a minute before running some cold water and washing the salty tears from her face. She looked back up, taking in her slightly puffy eyes and ruddy cheeks, marred by the tiny droplets the way other peoples' faces were marred by pores. Somewhere in her green eyes, behind her recent pain and the watery fear her nightmare had brought on, she found resilience and strength. She dried her face with one of the threadbare towels adorning the rack above the sink and, after reminding herself to replace them went she went shopping the next day, looked down at the bump under her tank top, tracing the swell with her tender hands.

She could do this.

So she opened the door and walked with purpose back into the bedroom, collapsing onto her side of the bed and allowing Derek to envelop her in his arms. His hand came up to guide her head onto his chest, because she was allowed to be happy, even through it all.

Derek was right, this was a new kind of love. She just had to open herself up to it.


	17. Chapter 17

When she woke up, Meredith rolled over to find cold sheets next to her and a note where Derek's head had lain the previous night.

_Good morning! I know I promised I'd wake you when I left, but you said you didn't have anything in particular to do today, and after the night you had… Well, that and the fact that you just looked so beautiful and peaceful, and I didn't want to disturb you. More of the latter than the former, I'm afraid._

_I'm at the hospital, obviously, and I should be home around three, barring any and all complications. I'll grab Italian food on my way home that we can heat up for dinner later unless there's something else Button would rather have._

_Love you,_

_Derek._

So it was with a warm and fuzzy feeling in her heart that Meredith started her day, even though the clock on her nightstand informed her in a way as smart-alecky as a clock radio could muster that it was already 10:30 in the morning. She agreed with Derek; not only was she beautiful in her sleep, but she'd had quite the eventful night, and had deserved to sleep in.

She got up, stretched, let her hand drift to her stomach for a moment to say good morning to the baby, and went about her morning routine, albeit a couple hours late. In a matter of minutes she was dressed and her teeth were brushed. Though Derek had cleared up the omelette confusion, and she was now much less fearful of the big bad egg, she opted to hop in her Jeep and head to the mainland for breakfast and a little shopping. Figuring she might not be back until after Derek, she scripted her own note and dropped it on the kitchen table:

_If I'm not home before you (which is obviously the case if you're reading this) that's because I'm on the mainland shopping. We need new towels; I don't know what you did to yours, but they look like a bear attacked them. Either that, or you put them in the washer with cold water instead of hot. More of the latter than the former, I'm afraid._

_You won't catch any complaints from me about Italian for dinner, so hurry up and put whatever you brought home in the oven – Biscuit's going to be hungry when I get home._

_Love you,_

_Meredith._

Feeling pretty good about their ability to maintain a stable relationship while processing mutual divorces and handling the challenges of a technically illegitimate pregnancy (though that really was the absolute _least_ of their concerns), Meredith stepped into her Ugg slippers (she was finding herself more and more grateful by the day that these were just barely passable as out-of-the-house footwear; they were one of the only things she could actually be comfortable in these days) and headed for the door.

It was there that the universe decided to throw a wrench in her plans.

Carla Dandridge was sitting in one of the patio chairs on the front stoop, as if it were perfectly normal for her to be there on any given day.

The woman turned when she head the door open, giving a slight start. "Oh, Meredith," she said nervously. "I didn't think you were awake."

"Well, I am," Meredith shrugged, dubious. "Uhm, how did you know…"

"I went to the hospital," Carla replied to Meredith's unspoken question, as if it were the obvious thing to do. "I told them my daughter-in-law was living with one of the surgeons and asked if they could maybe give me an address. The man at the front desk was very unhelpful, something about a privacy policy and _what kind of answer did I _think_ I was going to get?,_ but there was a nice lady surgeon walking through the lobby who was more than happy to help me out. She said she knew you and to tell you that Addison said hello."

"Isn't that nice?" Meredith muttered warily.

"So I came here, and all the lights were out, so I figured you were still asleep. I'm truly sorry about my behavior yesterday, Meredith. I was a little shell-shocked, I hope you can forgive me."

"I understand perfectly. That's not the greeting one usually expects when they run into their daughter-in-law in the supermarket." Her voice was still a little flat, but Carla didn't seem too surprised.

"No, it's definitely not. But I wanted to tell you... I mean, what I wanted to say, was... I mean, when I set out for the island today, I was going to give you a big long speech about how he can't possibly be that bad and to give him another shot." There was no question as to who "he" referred to. "But it occurred to me that I'd been suspicious all along. You two hadn't been the same the last couple years. And I know you chalked it all up to an inner ear infection, but your balance couldn't have been _that_ off. I should have known, I really should have."

"Carla, please don't feel – "

"Meredith, hear me out." It was Meredith's turn to sit back and listen. "I _do_ feel guilty. I saw my son disappearing before my eyes. You were the child I had left, and I let you down. I shoud have said something when I started seeing the bruises and the cuts, and I should have pushed until you came out with it. You shouldn't have had to go through this, and I shouldn't have let you."

"Carla, plenty of people noticed," Meredith admitted. "It was just my stubbornness and blind faith that kept me from leaving before. _My mother_ noticed, and she never paid one ounce of attention to me in my entire life. There was nothing you could have done, you just would have been yet another one in a string of people that urged me to get help and slipped lawyers' numbers into my purse when I was in the restroom."

"What _did_ make you leave? I know you said you were in the hospital, but what was so different that time?"

"Derek," Meredith said, a shining smile breaking through her gloomy expression. "He informed me that he had plenty of evidence of abuse, and I tried to ignore him. But he wouldn't stop. He told me that even if I didn't say anything, I had a right to know that he knew, and if I ever needed help, he was just a phone call away. I went home with Finn that day, and woke up a couple days later in the same hospital room I'd left not 72 hours ago. And he was still there for me. He was still... him. So I just knew there was someone that I was meant to be with and someone I wasn't; and their roles were switched."

"It makes sense," Carla sighed. "I hate that you won't be my daughter-in-law anymore, but then, the formalities never counted when it came to you. You were always my daughter, from the first day Finn brought you home to Leo and me. So where it counts, it doesn't even matter what the paperwork says."

"Which brings us around to the big, purple elephant in the... woods," Meredith said a little uneasily, amending her words upon the realization that "room" was not applicable. "I told you yesterday that I'd love for you to be a grandmother to the baby. Will you?"

Carla barely hesitated for a second before answering, a smile finally gracing her face. "I'd love to."

Meredith, though she'd never been one to participate in affectionate actions, couldn't resist yanking Carla up from the patio chair and hugging her tightly. "Thank you, Carla," she whispered. "This means a lot to me."

"Oh, stop, dear," Carla scoffed. "It's Mom to you."

"You wanna come in?" Meredith asked, hesitant to share her new home and her new life with such a large part of her old one. But somehow this felt right.

"Don't mind if I do, dear."

* * *

The door opened and shut softly, and the noise slipped past Meredith's consciousness and into her subconscious through the haze of her baby-related conversation with Carla. What was noticeable, however, was Derek's entrance into the bedroom and his somewhat confused expression as he held up the slip of paper Meredith had forgotten to remove from the table when it had become obvious that she wasn't going out today.

"Hey," he said cautiously. "Can I come in?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Don't be stupid," she scoffed. "It's your trailer."

"Yes, but you've already made it your own," Derek pointed out. "Exhibit A: This note, in which you berated me for laundry malpractice and informed me that you were just going to replace my very beloved towels. It was an arduous process that I went through to retrieve them from Target, and I'm very hurt by your attempt to throw them out."

"I wasn't going to throw them out," Meredith countered playfully, eyes sparkling. "We can use them as cloth diapers."

With that, Derek burst through the doorframe and tackled Meredith to the bed, fingers dancing along her sides and stomach. "Take it back, take it back," he chanted, cackling madly.

"Fine," she conceded breathlessly. "You have beautiful towels, they belong in the White House."

"That's better," he allowed, letting her sit up and turning his attention to their guest. "Hello, Mrs. Dandridge," he nodded. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I'm Dr. Derek – "

"Dr. Derek Shepherd, yes," Carla said warmly. "It's Carla, and it's very good to meet you under less awkward circumstances. Thank you for taking care of my girl here, and my grandchild."

"It's been my pleasure, and will continue to be," he promised. "Forever."

* * *

It was decided over dinner the same night that Carla would come at least once a week and bring Meredith out shopping – despite the fact that she was entirely healed from her injuries, Derek felt uneasy about letting her out of his sight alone, and Carla felt guilty that she'd gone through the trauma in the first place. Thus, through Meredith's protests, the agreement was made. In the end, she settled down, figuring that while her boyfriend and... Carla, she supposed was her title for now, were doting on her, she was at least getting some much-needed out-of-hospital girl time out of it.

So now, they all sat over a couple bottles of sparkling cider and Derek's delicious spaghetti and meatballs, and Meredith couldn't help but feel that this was what a family was meant to be like – a mother, a father, their (unborn) child, and a grandmother.

"So, how do you feel?" Carla asked, setting down her fork momentarily. "You look good; you're glowing."

"I feel okay. I'm just... scared." The gentle squeeze of Derek's hand spurred her on. "I don't know how to do this. I didn't grow up wanting this. And I don't know what I'm doing. Not now, and certainly not when the baby's crying and I don't know if she's hungry or if she has an ear infection, or I have to choose a car for his sixteenth birthday."

Carla let out a soft chuckle and raised her glass to her lips. "Every new parent feels this way, mid-divorce and in a new relationship or not. It's the baby's world, Meredith, you're just living in it. Go with the flow."

"So you think I'll just... know?"

"If parenting was as hard as you think it is, the human population would be extinct," Carla reiterated. "And you've got help. You're a team. This is the way it was meant to be." She gestured to Derek, and he gazed across the table, eyes twinkling at Meredith.

"Listen to your mother, Meredith," he admonished. "This was the way it was meant to be."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the wait! This semester is really kicking my ass, not to mention that it's almost Saint Patrick's Day, and I happen to be an Irish dancer. It's a busy time of year, and I appreciate everyone who's stuck with this story through this time. But next weekend is the big day, so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! This chapter has the potential to be angsty, but bear with me here.**

* * *

Derek was just finishing up with the last bit of his paperwork when the shrill ringing of his phone bit through the air. He reached for it, thinking it might be Meredith summoning him from Lexie's room, but groaned aloud at the name flashing across the screen.

Mom.

"Hey, Ma," he sighed, no better greeting making itself known to him. And, as he expected, there was no, "Hi, Derek, how have you been?" to be heard.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd," Carolyn snapped instead. "You have some explaining to do."

"Hello to you, too, Mom."

"Don't talk back to me, mister. Your sister insisted that you needed time to process, and gave me a whole rash of shit about if we don't give you space, you'll develop a complex. But I'm done waiting for _you_ to approach _us_, Derek. We're your family, and until a couple months ago, you confided in us."

"I know, but a couple things have happened. Kath was right, I needed – "

"But now you're getting a divorce. A _divorce_, Derek. You said it could be fixed; you said that Seattle would fix your marriage. But now Addison's booking a flight back, _alone_, and you show no signs of coming home, and all I can think is – "

"Mom!" Derek interrupted. "You want answers, and I _will_ give them to you. But you have to stop talking first."

There was a long pause before Carolyn's voice filtered again through the earpiece. "Well? Start talking."

"You can't interrupt me, Mom. This is going to sound insane, but you can't interrupt me. I know what I'm doing, and I'm happy, and you need to let me finish before you jump down my throat." He took her silence to mean she understood. "Addison and I were... we weren't _happy_, Mom. We were living day to day and trying like hell to put it back together, but the marriage counseling wasn't working and I was already thinking that maybe, just maybe this wasn't worth it."

"Now wait just a second – "

"Mom!" he snapped. Silence. So he continued, "I was beginning to think it wasn't worth it anymore. And one night I get this page, about two in the morning. I go into the hospital, and there's this woman. Meredith. Her husband had beaten her within an inch of her life, bleeds all over her brain. And two weeks pregnant to boot. I fixed her up; she was unconscious fifteen hours, but she made it. And when she woke up, she refused to admit what had happened. Finn, the husband, he was intimidating her. And so I had to send her home, Legally, I had no proof that anything was going on in that house. But less than twenty-four hours later, Addison and I are back in the hospital, Meredith is unconscious again. It was harder this time, she was out for almost two days. She had me worried, but she's a fighter. She pulled through yet again. And this time, when she woke up, she told the cops the truth. I thought that was the end. But then I realized... I realized..."

"Are you joking?" Carolyn breathed. "Derek, you cheated on her! You cheated on Addison! You didn't ask for a divorce, she did! It makes so much sense now... Goddamnit Derek, you just _had_ to get even. You deprived me of a daughter-in-law, and ruined a perfectly happy family, because she made _one_ mistake?!"

"Mom!" he snapped again. "I did _not_ cheat on Addison. She noticed how I treated Meredith, and she asked me what I wanted to do. I wasn't even going to act on my feelings. She was vulnerable, going through a divorce, a lawsuit, struggling to come to terms with single motherhood. But when she confessed that she felt the same way about me... I did everything right, Mom. I asked Addie for a divorce. I made it clear our marriage was over. And then, only then, did I act on my feelings. I can't explain why I feel what I do towards Meredith, but what I _do_ know is just how much I love her."

"You love her."

"Yes, I do." It was then that his door swung open, and he knew without looking that the only person liable to walk into his office without knocking was Meredith.

"You love her." Meredith collapsed onto the couch across from his desk, and he smiled at her reassuringly before answering his mother.

"I do."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?" Meredith furrowed her brow, expressing her silent concern, but Derek shook his head and turned his desk chair away, attempting to save her from the negative rays shooting their way across the country through his cell phone.

"You said it yourself. She's vulnerable, she's going through a divorce, she's pregnant. This isn't going to last. One of these days, one of you is going to wake up and realize what a mistake it was to jump right in like this. You'll have thrown away your life with Addie; you'll have nothing to go back to."

"This isn't a mistake," he hissed quietly into the mouthpiece.

"She's pregnant with another man's baby," Carolyn insisted. "Someday, probably someday soon, you'll realize just how little you want that. And I'll be there to pick up the pieces, but Derek..."

"Mom!" he argued. "I know what I'm doing. You wanted answers, and I'm giving them to you. Not once did I ask for your input." Now Meredith, ignoring his attempts to keep her out of this, was up and off the couch, walking around the edge of his desk and folding herself into his lap. Out of instinct, his free hand reached to steady her in her movement, although she'd recently become somewhat more accustomed to her shifting center of balance.

"I know you didn't, but I'm your mother. I'm supposed to be here for you. And more importantly, I want the record to show that I was against this. When it all breaks down, I won't have you saying that I didn't warn you."

Wanting desperately to argue the point further but not willing to risk clueing Meredith in to more than was necessary, he chose to respond only with, "I have to go. I'll talk to you some other time, and hopefully you'll have a better response to my life choices by then." And he hung up the phone without waiting for a goodbye.

"Your mom," Meredith breathed. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah."  
"She's not pleased."

"No, she's not." Derek set his phone down behind him on the desk before swiveling the chair back to face the right way.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not especially."

"_Should_ we talk about it?"

"Probably."

"But you don't want to."

"No."

This time there was no response. Meredith laid her head down on his shoulder, and he simply took some small comfort in the feeling of her body against his, the smell of her lavender shampoo, and the way she nuzzled her face into the sinewy fold between his neck and shoulder.

Just when he thought she'd fallen asleep there, exhausted by the effort of growing a human, she whispered, "Your phone is obnoxiously loud; I could hear every word your mother said. And I just want you to know that even though the baby isn't technically yours, _I am._ And the baby... the baby is yours where it counts, too. So just... don't worry."

* * *

"So, Addison said that I should schedule my amnio for next week," Meredith brought up casually over dessert. "But she was really cagey about it. Is there something going on?"

Derek looked up from his small plate of frozen yogurt, contrasting with Meredith's large bowl of french vanilla ice cream topped with hot fudge, walnuts, and banana slices, contemplating for a minute before recalling. "Oh, my mother said something about a one-way ticket back to New York when I was... talking to her earlier. If you can even call it that." At Meredith's puzzled glance, he added, "It was really more yelling than a rational conversation."

"Yeah, I kind of got that. But... why is she leaving?" Derek raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I get it, but... she has a job here. Seattle loves her. She saves babies."

"Honestly?" Derek shook his head. "I don't really think she's the best of the best anymore. When I first met her, she was a force of nature. But now... I'm not so clear on when it happened. We both did our residencies at New York Gen. The hospital environment is hectic and down-to-earth. You see all kinds of patients, and not just the ones that could easily pay you in cash. I loved it there, and I thought she did, too. But I guess I was wrong, because I came home one day and Addison was going on about how two spots had opened up in some distant family member's practice, and before I knew it we were going to work in suits with briefcases and we had these huge offices with leather couches and Macbooks. And we went to the theater and to the ballet and to the opera and she bought me all of these designer suits and started dying her hair and I just didn't _get it_. Sometime during our residency, she lost her drive, and I was too absent to notice it because I loved being a doctor _that_ much and she _didn't_ and the difference was just too much. And then the _thing_ happened, and I ran away to Seattle and she followed me and we set up shop here thinking maybe, just maybe the change of scenery would _fix_ us, but it didn't. And now she's not the woman I fell in love with anymore. I kept wanting to progress, to change, and to evolve. I kept wanting to try new surgeries and new disciplines and she just wanted to have a birthing suite in Manhattan and coach women through... water births, or whatever. Seattle doesn't love her, Seattle loves the _idea_ of her. The hotshot neonatal surgeon from the East Coast that sweeps in and solves everyone's problems. But it's an _act_, when it comes down to it. She didn't want Seattle. She didn't even want Seattle Grace. She wanted me, and now that she knows she's not going to get me, she's done. She's back to Manhattan with her tail between her legs, and the way I see it... She's still a lovely person. I _did_ love her. And she's a good doctor. But I can't help but feel that maybe... maybe this is for the best."

Meredith gaped at him, open-mouthed. "You're turning into me."

Derek ducked his head, smiling sheepishly. "I know."

"No, seriously. That was a full-on Grey Ramble. You could out-ramble Lexie and me _combined_."

"I know."

But the joking mood dissolved as Meredith thought about what he'd said. "You never actually told me what the _thing_ was."

"Didn't I?" he mused.

"No, you didn't."

"I could've sworn I did," he insisted.

"No, you said there _was_ a thing, that the thing existed. And then you assumed I didn't want to hear about your marital problems and changed the subject." Silence. "Derek," she prompted. "She hurt you, didn't she?" He nodded, but still didn't say anything. "You can trust me."

"I know I can!" he practically exploded. She watched his expression morph into something resembling guilt as she jumped about a foot in her perch on the couch, and he shot her an apologetic look before continuing, quieter now. "I know I can trust you. I just feel so inadequate sometimes."

She snorted in disbelief. "_You_, inadequate?"

"You're just handling this so well," he insisted. "You're filing a lawsuit and getting a divorce and growing a human and starting a new relationship _all at the same time._ I'm not filing a lawsuit. I'm not growing a human. I'm not going through _half_ of what you are, and somehow you're not bursting at the seams, and I am."

"I'm bursting," she promised. "I'm pretty sure I'm past bursting. You've held me while I burst, countless times now. You need to _let_ yourself burst, and then you've got awhile before you have to curl into a ball and cry for a while." She knew he was thinking about the time Finn had shown up at the trailer, and she'd told him about her mother. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, hard, and he nodded once.

"One night I parked my car, I unlock my front door, go inside my house, and something 's different. Nothing's different, everything's the same, but yet, still, something's different. And I stand there for a while. And then I know. See, there are moments for me, you know, usually when I'm in the OR, when I just _know_ what's going to happen next. So I go upstairs. As I'm walking down the hall, I trying to prepare myself for what I'm gonna see when I go into my bedroom. I step on a man's jacket that doesn't belong to me. And everything I think I know...just shifts. Because the jacket that doesn't belong to me is a jacket that I recognize. And what I know now is that when I go into my bedroom, I'm not just gonna see that my wife is cheating on me. I'm gonna see that my wife is cheating on me with Mark, who happened to be my best friend. It's just so pedestrian, common and dirty, and cruel. Mostly just cruel. I left, came out here. _We_ came out here. And _you_... you were like coming up for fresh air. It was like I was drowning, and you saved me."

Meredith quirked one eyebrow and smirked at him. "What, no crying? I don't get to hold you and rub your back?"

"Nope," he smirked back. "That's it. That's me, bursting."

"_That_ was the most pathetic burst I've ever seen."

"I know."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I really should have officially put this on hiatus, but I knew that as soon as I started a Word Doc my resolve to be responsible and not let my grades fall in the crapper would be gone and I would be taking up indispensable time writing this story. I really can't apologize enough, just would like to say that I hope you all missed me and get back to writing. So if we could all just forget that I ever abandoned you and go back to normal, I would love that.**

**I hope you like this chapter, because it took a really, REALLY long time to write. Obviously. As usual, just a reminder: I own nothing, read and review.**

**Oh, also, my timeline may be a little off, some of it is intentional because things stopped adding up in my head, and some of it may just be a mistake. I should be more on top of it by next chapter, so whatever is in place in the next update, you can be assured was meant to be there. ****_Now_**** I'm done bothering you and you can read this long-awaited chapter.**

"Hey Lex," Meredith sang as she walked into her sister's hospital room. Her happy mood, however, was disrupted only briefly at the sight of Addison. "I – oh, Dr. Montgomery," she said in surprise. "What, ah, brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"It would do you well to remember, Ms Grey," Addison replied in an overly polite tone of voice, "That there is such a thing as a stupid question. My soon-to-be-ex-husband won't shut up about the fact that you want to be a surgeon, too. What area?"

"I… I'm not sure," Meredith answered her unsurely. "Maybe neuro? Or general." She gave a wide-eyed glance of question and fear to Lexie over Addison's shoulder, and received a shrug and grimace in return.

"Not neonatal?"

"I… no?"

"Thank God," Addison muttered almost too low for Meredith to hear. "Okay, Lexie, everything looks good, and we should be able to induce you later today. Would you like me to call your mother?"

"I'm sorry, you're _inducing _her?" Meredith asked, astonished. "I thought the preeclampsia was under control."

"It is," Lexie smiled. "I was due a week ago."

Meredith blinked, hard. "You were?"

Lexie smiled indulgently again. "I was."

Meredith let out a shrill scream of delight and launched herself toward the bed. "No! Why didn't you tell me!" She slowed her momentum as she approached her sister and hugged her gently so as not to jar the baby. It shocked her that she'd never thought to ask Lexie when exactly she was due, she'd just known "sometime soon". But she hadn't realized exactly how soon "sometime soon" really was until now. She glanced down at her own seventeen-week stomach. Bean, Biscuit, Peanut, Baby, Little One, whatever they were calling him/her now, had been quite calm in the month or so since she'd entered the second trimester. She'd never had much nausea to begin with, but it was nice that whatever residual effects of early pregnancy had bothered to show up were gone. But she snapped out of her reverie when she realized that her pregnancy was not the issue right now. "Oh my God, I'm about to have a niece or nephew, kind of."

"Not kind of," Lexie scolded. "You're my sister."

Meredith grimaced. "Half."

"Whatever, you're my sister where it counts. That's how this family works, it's pile after pile of "where it counts." I'm your sister, where it counts. Derek is the father of your – oh." Addison had frozen over the ultrasound machine at the beginning of her sentence. "What I meant was, you might as well be my full-blooded sister." She turned back to Addison. "And, to answer your earlier question, yes, I'd love for you to call my mother."

"I figured you might. I'll be back in about twenty minutes to start you on prostaglandins to jump-start the process and some antibiotics just in case we have to go in for the emergency C-section."

"Is that likely?" Lexie asked, starting for the first time since Meredith had come in to show worry.

"Not overly. But with your complications, it's better to be safe than sorry. Is there anyone else that you'd like me to call?"

Lexie was hesitant. "I..." Her hand was clutched tight around something, and Meredith could see her fingers working at whatever it was.

Addison nodded, seeming to understand. "I'll give you a moment with your sister. You can give me any names and numbers I might need when I come back." The door clicked shut.

Meredith pulled up one of the cheap plastic chairs the hospital kept by the window and sat down carefully. Her painfully thin frame was boasting her pregnancy belly more than was typical. She'd had multiple strangers reach out to pat her pregnancy belly and ask when she was due. Her answer shocked most of them, and she'd been asked many times if "she was sure there wasn't two of them in there." Lexie looked good, she was glowing the way you would expect of a soon-to-be-mother, and she, like Meredith, was one of those lucky women whose baby bump looked like a basketball slipped under her hospital gown, and contrasted the rest of her still-petite frame. Rumor had it that this kind of woman snapped right back to her regular clothing size, and both of them were hoping for the best. But there was... something, and as a fellow Grey, Meredith could see that something from a mile away.

More important, though, was not spooking her. While Lexie had an easier time of it than Meredith had, and was generally a more cheerful, more trusting, healthier person, she was still a Grey. And when the going got tough, Greys tended to retreat into their turtle shell and try to deal with it on their own.

"You're awfully calm," Meredith began carefully. "I hope I'm this zen when I'm about to go into labor."

"I have control," Lexie explained. "Not really, because if I wait any longer then the baby may go into distress, but I have a semblance of control. I have the appearance of knowing what I'm doing and having this whole thing go down on my terms. So I can be calm if I want, because these are my terms, and my terms say that I'm going to be calm."

Meredith nodded slowly. "Is there anything you're worried about?"

"Pain," her sister giggled. "But I'm hoping that all goes according to plan, and I'll get all drugged up and I'll be numb from the waist down for most of it. I still might need you to hold my hand. Fair warning though, I might break it."

"You want me in the room?" Meredith breathed.

"Do you... want to be in the room?"

"I'd be honored," she responded. "Just... I didn't think you'd want me in here. We had quite the way of finding out about each other, and I didn't think you felt as if you knew me well enough."

"I'm the oldest," Lexie explained. "And I always wanted an older sister. Someone to look up to. Someone to take care of me. I was that for Molly, but I never had that for myself. So as freaked out as I might have been by the news, I've had a couple months to catch up and even if I didn't, I think being happy to have an older sister overrules any misgivings I might have had. Besides, there's no father in the picture, so I need all the support I can get from the badass women in my life." Her voice was a little more dejected now, and Meredith somehow knew she'd found the X on the treasure map of Lexie's mind.

"Is that what it is?" she asked, moving to hold Lexie's hand. Coincidentally, the one that was clutching a slip of paper. "You're worried that the baby doesn't have a father?"

"Sort of," Lexie sighed. "I don't know why I'm complaining, you have it so much harder than me. It's just hard to realize that this baby isn't going to have anyone besides me. What if I'm not a good mom? Then he or she has no happy memories of his or her childhood, because I suck, and I couldn't be bothered to provide them with anybody else. This is irresponsible of me, really. And I thought about adoption, cause then you know that he or she will have two good parents that were approved by the adoption people. But I'm too selfish to do that, and it's great that I'm aware of my own shortcomings and all that but it sucks that I can't do anything about them, you know?" Meredith started to nod sagely, buying time to figure out what to say to her distraught sister, but she wasn't done. "And I know that you have all these hardships to face, but you have someone facing them with you. Even if your kid for some reason decides that you're not adequate, they can run to Derek. Everything is a group decision. If you're about to mess up, he'll tell you, and vice versa. I don't have someone to tell me that I'm holding diaper rash cream and not a bottle of formula because I'm just that tired. And I don't know how to deal with that kind of paranoia. And I need to work for God's sake, and it doesn't matter that it's only part-time, I have a kid, and that's full time! I can't support two people on one person's salary, and I just..." Tears began to fill her eyes, and Meredith knew it was time to make her stop talking and start calming her down before her BP started to rise and endanger the baby.

"Lexie," she said sternly, halting her stream of worries and tears. "You are going to be a great mom."

"You don't _know _that!" the woman practically howled back at her.

"I do. I needed some mothering when I met you, fresh out of my marriage and starting a new life, and you took me under your wing. You were great to me, and you will be great to a baby."

"But what about work and the baby and paying for stuff, and..."

"Derek and I will be happy to provide free child care. We need all the practice we can get." She pointed at her own baby bump, making her sister smile. "We can help you, you just have to let us."

"Is that some kind of Shepherd family mantra?" Lexie groaned, thinking about how Derek had suckered her into staying at the hospital.

"You'd think so," Meredith answered, smiling warmly. "It's catchy and it works, so I figured why not?" Not wanting to push it, she considered not pressing on, but decided it would be for Lexie's own good. "Lex," she began.

"Yeah?"

"I, uhm, what's that in your hand?" Lexie sighed. "I don't mean to pry," she added hastily. "I just don't want you going in blind. If I can help, then I want to. And I feel like that's eating at you."

"No, you're right," Lexie said reluctantly. "It'll make me feel better to share this with someone." She passed her the paper, and Meredith unfolded it carefully. It was weak from ages of being fidgeted with and folded back and forth into shape after shape, certain crease lines having taken permanent holding along the horizon of the paper. But the writing scrawled across it was still legible.

"The baby's father."

"Yeah."

"And you've had this all along?"

"Yeah."

"And you're thinking about..."

"Yeah."

Just then, Addison knocked at the door and let herself in. "I called Susan, she's on her way. Is there anything else I can do for you?" Meredith glanced at her sister, who still looked unsure. They made brief eye contact, and she raised an eyebrow. Almost imperceptibly, Lexie nodded.

Meredith handed her the paper.

Her eyes darted across it briefly, absorbing the information. She looked first at Meredith, then at Lexie. "Lexie?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah. If you could call... just tell him... tell him to come here. Don't tell him the circumstances, just tell him that Lexie Grey wants to see him."

Addison glanced between the two women again, then pocketed the number. "I'll be right back."

* * *

Three hours had passed. Lexie was doing well and responded to the antibiotics, and according to Addison's approximation should be starting the labor process any minute. It was then that Derek finally made his appearance in the room.

"Good afternoon, m'lady," he chuckled. Meredith looked up, but it turned out that he was talking to Lexie. "Don't get me wrong Mer, you're the only one for me, but the one giving birth on this fine afternoon definitely deserves the preferential treatment today. Forgive me?"

"Of course," she smiled, standing to kiss Derek on the cheek. She offered her chair to the tired surgeon, who had just come out of ten hours in surgery, but he refused it with a glance to her burgeoning pregnancy belly. She glared at him for mommy-tracking her, but admitted that she didn't really want to wait for the nurse to bring an extra. "So you heard?"

"Addison still works in the hospital, however temporarily," he reminded the girls. "I have my ways of finding things out."

A cloud crossed Lexie's face. "Speaking of which," she segued. "When exactly is she leaving, again?"

Derek chuckled at her worried tone. "Not before your case is over, don't you worry. Once she can be sure the baby is safe and sound, she'll transfer you over to a resident but won't go far. And once he or she turns, say, twenty, she might finally move all the way back to New York and out of our hair. But seriously, she would never leave while things are still up in the air. You have nothing to worry about." Without being asked, Nurse Tyler brought in a spare chair and he took a seat next to Meredith. "Have you thought any about names, or are you waiting for the moment to strike you when you see the baby?"

Their conversation continued, bantering and light, until two things happened simultaneously. Lexie gave a start, a blush spreading over her cheeks. "I think my water just broke," she said softly, eyes closing to absorb the moment.

But they didn't stay that way for long. The door opened. And where the inhabitants of the room had expected Addison and her apparently telepathic abilities to sense when a woman went into labor, they saw a haggard-looking man dressed sharply in a three-piece suit. He was devilishly handsome, though Meredith thought clearly that he looked like trouble if she ever saw it. Lexie paled even more than she already had, and clapped a hand to her mouth. Interestingly enough, so did Derek.

"Lex? Der?" Meredith asked, feeling completely out of the loop.

"Lexie," the man gasped. "I'm so sorry, this was all a huge misunderstanding. I'll make it up to you, I swear. Just... tell me I'm not too late." His gaze shifted across the room. "Derek? What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

He seemed to come out of it, then, and jumped from his chair. "You son of a bitch," he growled, stalking across the room. Meredith grabbed at his arm, trying to get him to sit back down and talk over whatever nonsense was currently happening, but he would have none of it. "Meredith, stay out of this. _You_, though, _you_ are not getting out of this. You slept with my wife, you rat bastard."

"Derek, I can explain," the man practically pleaded, but Derek didn't seem to want his explanations. Instead of listening like a calm, rational person, he drew his fist back with astonishing force and planted one right in what had to be Mark's cheekbone.


End file.
